My wife used to work in a nursery that had an almost unnatural attraction to yummy mummies. This was partly due to the nursery's location, and partly due to the fact that yummy mummies tend to hunt in packs. In essence, any mummy that didn't have an astronomical bra size or wear twelve-foot-high heels was the odd one out. When the mummies dropped off or collected their children, boob jobs, tanning shops and beauty parlours were the primary topics of conversation.
On this particular occasion the children were putting on a Christmas performance. By performance I mean the nursery staff were attempting to keep 30 under-twos seated still for five minutes while they were led in song. And of course by song I mean bedlam, the raucous chattering of 30 toddlers drowning out an over-played Christmas jingle.
The performance was ready to begin. The toddlers were "seated" at one end of the room, the parents were waiting with anticipation at the other. A Mercedes convertible pulled up outside. Out stepped a mummy wearing monumental heels and equipped with breasts large enough to cause widespread tidal damage to the south coast. She staggered down the path, as unstable as a newborn giraffe. Her top was so low-cut that there was significant risk of spillage and the crushing of small children.
Anyway, as we all know, babies and toddlers like boobies. Natural instinct, the familiar smell, or maybe just conditioning. Bubba Stoneskin herself will frequently attack the boobies of a strange woman.
The mummy entered the nursery and walked past the children to find a seat. As a group the 30 under-twos experienced a mass cathartic release. Their collective gaze focused on her breasts, their little heads followed her as one.
I'd like to be able to say that what followed was a mass stampede and the mummy was chased out the door by a pack of toddlers, but sadly that didn't happen.
P.S. A couple more awards have come my way. Gaston, gave me the One Lovely Blog award. As I also recieved this a month or so back, and did the honours then, I feel I can be let off the hook. But I'd like to thank Gaston, I really appreciate the award.
Jan of Jan's Sushi Bar has given me a brand new award. If you don't know Jan you should pay her a visit, she is a rarity - both a comedic genius and a culinary wizard. Now apparently "A Sushi Grade Blog is fresh, lively and of superior quality. It is rare, has character and is of good taste." It requires the nomination of 5 blogs. Visit Jan for the rules, but here are my nominations:
Anna Russel of Incoherent Ramblings. This girl is an absolute genius.
Gwen of Everything I like Causes Cancer. Show me a funnier blog and I'll buy you a pint.
Amy of Bitcin' Wives Club. This blog taught me what "mopping" is...
Eric of Bored Neoclassical Guy. Probably the most unique blog I've come across. Wit plus classics = Eric.
The Gun of Currently Untitled...A change of identity is afoot, but that doesn't take away from this blog's brilliance.
