Wednesday, 27 August 2008

The Owl and the Two Chavs

There they stood. Tall, dark and handsome. Well, not quite. Short, weedy, and scowling like monkeys would be a better description. The two chavs made their way up the platform, swaggering like drunken cowboys.

I placed them in their late teens, possibly early twenties (dehydration due to constant spitting, and smoking to boot, had probably aged them somewhat). One of them had his hands on a pack of those bangers. You know, the little twists of paper with gunpowder in. With astounding maturity (believe me, I was astounded), they spat and banged their way up the platform.

They got to the far end of the platform and then they saw the owl. Most of our stations have a fake owl to scare birds away from the power units. The chavs started to taunt the owl. "Oi, owly, oi oi oi". They threw a few bangers but it was too far away. It started to get a bit post-watershed, "Oi you ******* owl, bang bang bang...".

The brilliance of this is that they weren't messing around. They genuinely thought it was real. The rest of us just watched and chuckled as they made fools of themselves. You can imagine them now, outside MacDonald's somewhere, "'member that ******* owl, it wouldn't ******* turn its head..." and "aww...the stupid bird...".

As their train arrived, another group of chavs turned up on our platform. The original two started swaggering back down their platform to the train. The new group started to taunt them. By this point our train had pulled in. The two groups were yelling at each other through (and over) two trains now. "Oi, what yer lookin' at?" they cried. "Come on then".

And then the two trains departed. The fake owl didn't go anywhere.


The Owl and the Pussy-cat Chavs went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey bangers, and plenty of money cigarettes,
Wrapped up in a five pound note. Tucked behind their ears.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy Chavs! O Pussy Chavs my love(s),
What a beautiful Pussy Chavs you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy Chavs you are!'

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As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!