Thursday, 9 October 2008

Dear TKMaxx, I have some ideas for more jackets with concealed weapons

Dear TKMaxx,

Following the recent success of your jacket with a concealed 2.5" knife I have some more ideas for you. I understand you have now withdrawn the jacket from the shelves, claiming you had no idea that the jacket had a knife, but, let's face it, we all know this was an marketing ploy. And an excellent one at that. You must have some pretty damn smart guys in your marketing department.

Seriously, what a great way to overcome the effects of the credit crisis. I'll bet you'll look back in a year's time with a nice, warm, cosy feeling in your stomach. I'm talking about your collective retail stomach of course.

But look, no hard feelings, it's not as if our country is struggling with a knife crime epidemic. In actual fact, I have a few excellent ideas for more jackets, which I am happy for you to use free of charge.

1. The grenade belt jacket, containing an inner belt loaded with live grenades. I'm not sure what effect would be on your buildings insurance, so I'd advice just stocking the shelves and then claiming ignorance.

2. The samurai sword jacket, with a full scale samurai sword sheathed down the back. This is an exciting prospect because it is illegal to carry a blade of that length in this country. Just think of the publicity. Oh, and as an afterthought, you could advertise the jacket as a "posture" jacket, as the steel blade down the back would force a correct sitting and walking posture.

3. The fighter squadron jacket, with a miniature yet fully-functional fighter squadron concealed within. Instead of a 2.5" knife on a string, you would have a miniature communications centre.

4. The mustard gas jacket, which comes equipped with mustard gas canisters and a mask to protect the wearer.

I could go on, but I'm sure you can take some inspiration from these ideas and come up with your own. But as a final thought, what about dropping the whole "concealed weapon" concept, and just providing an assorted collection of military jackets.

I'll leave you with one final idea. How about an aircraft carrier jacket? This jacket would have a complete aircraft carrier on its back, allowing the wearer to quickly deploy the carrier into any body of water - canals, duck ponds, swimming pools, an enemy's bath, you name it. This would naturally be a miniature, as carrying an 11000 ton, 622 foot behemoth on your back would be infeasible. But hey, your smart guys in marketing can probably figure that one out.

Anyway, I hope these ideas are helpful. Keep up the good work.

Stoneskin

1 comment:

Edward Rhodes said...

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Keep up the good work!

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