Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Anger Management (alternative treatment)

So here's the question. Would I rather be stuck behind some nitwit doing 25 in a 40 zone, or have a family of frogs stuffed down my pants?

I'd go with the frogs, every single time. It's a non-argument really, especially as being stuck behind a nitwit doing 25 in a 40 zone makes me feel like I have a family of frogs stuffed down my pants.

Not that I have an anger management problem. My wife would tell me I should give them (the nitwit, not the frogs) the benefit of the doubt. As would my Mum, the most gracious person I've ever known.

But I do. I have to assume that they had their brain sucked out through a straw by a Zombie, who had the grace to replace it with a soggy battered cod. Presumably blown back through the straw. Although you would have to question the Zombie's sanity, wasting good fish like that.

Here's another question. Would I rather wait 15 minutes at the "Can I help?" queue in Barclays while the assistant painstakingly explains interest rates to a customer, or have someone stand behind me and repeatedly flick my ears? It's a tough one, but I think I would go with the ear-flicking.

I walked to the front of the queue, handed her my thumb-worn copy of "Interest Rates For Dummies", and told her in no uncertain terms to "Google it".

Actually, that's what I did in my mind. I did have 15 minutes to kill after all.

It's not as if I get cross when I have to wait for the green man for more than 5 seconds , muttering under my breath that I'm going to move to Holland where they build cities designed for the pedestrian, while vowing to write scathing letters to the council complaining that I'm the "green" one and things have to change - or they'll have their backs to the wall when the revolution comes...

And it's not as if I glare at every buffoon that cycles over the FOOT bridge, wishing on them a sequence of irreparable punctures ending with them spilling yogurt on their suit on the way to work.

Maybe I should reduce my caffeine intake.

Or maybe I should sign myself in for an alternative anger management course involving slimy amphibians, fish, ear-flicking and rubber bands.

9 comments:

SassyTwoSocks said...

I hear you, mo.stoneskin. I feel like pure evil, but I can't stand waiting for the bus driver to load wheelchairs onto the bus. It takes like 15 minutes, and they constantly have to rearrange the wheelchair on the platform so it doesn't get stuck. And then they have to ask everyone to move around, and then buckle the wheelchair in. And they ALWAYS go like 2 stops before getting off. If I was in a wheelchair I'd just fly those two blocks on my wheels, man. Is it even worth it???

This is why I'm going to hell.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

You sound just like my husband. He can't wait for anything!

Since I am the picture of patience (yeah right), it drives me crazy.

Marinka said...

See, my answer to that question would be "both, please!" But of course, that could be because I don't drive. And I really like frogs. And pants.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

When it's warmer and I bike everywhere, I am one of those annoying people who bikes on the footpaths. But only when there is no bike path.

Warsaw is not set up for pedestrians or cyclists. I WILL NOT bike in the road unless there is ABSOLUTELY no other option. I don't want to get killed. But I am polite and slow way down around pedestrians.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Now you'll be punished with long rambling comments from me:).

Sass said...

To some, frogs in the pants may actually not be an unpleasant experience.

I'm just sayin'.

I'm the most impatient person in the world. So I'll take most anything over waiting.

Carmi said...

I absolutely get where you're coming from. I'm quite a patient person, but I lose it when I have to wait behind people who in an earlier era wouldn't have survived past childhood.

In this online era, there's no reason for people to not do their homework before heading out to the store, the bank, or wherever you're going. It's absolutely inconsiderate when people bottle up the queue because they're too stupid to do a little research beforehand.

Nice to know I won't be the only one in hell, then :)

bernthis said...

Save me a seat in the class. I'll be the one with smoke coming out of my ears after having stood in the grocery line while a woman waits for the manager b/c she has to know why they aren't accepting a coupon that expired the day Lincoln was assassinated!

First time here. Looks like we have a lot in common.

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As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!