Saturday, 6 December 2008

Latex bifurcation

The old man cyclist was tapping his feet on the platform with the ferocity of a tap-dancing piglet. It was bad enough that my train was cancelled. But then to be driven splenetic by an irritating old man. What could be worse?

Well, for that matter, a ferocious tap-dancing piglet would be worse. On the up side, at least my tedious rigmarole of a commute was interrupted.

Yeah, right.

I have no tolerance for people that violate protocol. Especially when it involves tapping.

Rule number one. Don't tap your feet on the platform.

Rule number two. Don't tap your finger nails on the table.

Rule number three. Don't tap your pen against your laptop.

To make matters worse, he was wearing the type of cycling shorts that no self-respecting man should wear, let alone any self-respecting old man. Or, for that matter, any self-respecting tap-dancing piglet. Latex bifurcation. Nice.

I was torn between stomping along the platform in the miserable stoop of nihilistic despair, or sowing my eyes and ears shut with dental floss. Fortunately I was out of floss.

Instead, I sat there simpering like an old dog that had just been crushed by a Christmas tree. 'tis the season to be jolly.


Diane said...

Did I ever tell you about the time I got attacked by a tap-dancing piglet... wearing bicycle shorts... on a train platform...? True story. I choked him unconscious with the dental floss I ALWAYS carry in my bag. You should've been there.

Vodka Mom said...

what? holy crap.

SassyTwoSocks said...

I also hate when people click their pen. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. Open. Kill. Closed. Me. Open. Now. Closed.

Anonymous said...

Oh are a bit of a grumpy curmudgeon LOL...but, old men in cycling shorts might set my teeth on edge too...and not in a good way either.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I'm one of the pen clickers. I can't sit completely still EVER.

I'll click my pen until I realize that I'm doing it and then I usually through it across the room to keep me from touching it. I know it's annoying, I just can't stop.

Heinous said...

Yeesh. I'm glad it was your eyes and not mine.

Jay said...

Ewww, you poor, poor thing.

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!