Wednesday, 10 June 2009

The Lady In The Green Gown

This is the re-post of an old, old, old post, life is crazy busy so I won't get a chance to write for a few days.

"I'll have Earl Grey, please", said the lady in the green gown. "I did mention it in the email", she added. She glanced across at us with an eyebrow raised. I imagine that her email would have looked something like the following.


Dear Sir/Madam,

Following our recent booking I would like to confirm our particular dietary requirements. As members of the leisure classes, we drink only Earl Grey. Please ensure that this is available with our breakfast.

Yours Sincerely,

The Lady in the Green Gown


"Ooh, I think I fancy Earl Grey too", my wife said, and placed an order with the waitress. Green Gown looked across disapprovingly. How dare they. I'll bet they didn't request Earl Grey in an email.

Eyebrow still raised, she looked my pregnant wife up and down, and then said "Living dangerously, I see."

Erm, no, not really. Enjoying a "safe" weekend away six weeks before the baby is due, actually. The only person living dangerously is you. In danger of being mistaken for a goddess of the forest, and of being the most irritating person I've encountered on my holiday.

I didn't quite know what to say. "That's right", I muttered, and returned to my Full English breakfast.

Green Gown's husband was looking longingly at my fry-up. He had clearly only been allowed yogurt. His thoughts were easy to read. Sodding low-fat yogurt.

The Earl Grey arrived, accompanied by two pots of hot water. Intrigued, my wife said to me "How bizarre, I wonder why there is two pots". It was odd, because I already had my coffee. Green Gown turned our way, eyebrow raised of course. "One is for your friend", she said.

Friend? Did she think our wedding rings were a farce, or did she think we were having an affair? We ignored this strange women and enjoyed what was left of our breakfast.

23 comments:

Kat said...

She seriously emailed in her "dietary requirements"? Wow...someone has too much free time.

Mr London Street said...

How long do you think you have to have been blogging for before you can get away with reposts?

Beth said...

I would have thought the extra pot of water was for the top of her head.

See? I can be mean sometimes.

Eric said...

Wow, there is a crystal clear-cut case of mind your own #$*@#@~ business if I've ever heard one.

Was she somehow worried about an expecting woman drinking tea? I mean, I've seen a pregnant woman in Texas belly up to the bar smoking Marlboroughs and even though I winced, I didn't say much about it.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Was the living dangerously dig because you were bungee jumping during breakfast or something? Or maybe just the fact that you were planning to bring new life into the world?

Cora said...

Good Lord, there are some rude people in this world! Who is she to judge? I feel sorry for her yogurt-eating hubby for sure. Poor, poor man.

LiLu said...

This is lovely.

I also just wanted to say that I loved your comment about having a 'thing'. Having a thing is so different, from, well, not. It's what makes this whole blogging thing fun, no?

Glad we have a thing. :-)

♥ Braja said...

Aw, c'mon man, don't ignore people like: spill things on green gowns.

Hit 40 said...

The rude woman was probably me!!!! I never know when to shut up. I'll try harder just for you.

I am not a picky diner :-) Just chatty. I probably would have asked how the plans were going for the new baby.

diane said...

Green gown lady had a great big stick up her *ss.

Soda and Candy said...

I picture her as the Wealthy Dowager character from the Simpsons, except more British.

; )

Sassy Britches said...

I've been reading up on your last few days worth of posts, and from the looks of things I think Plato and Tigger could take this woman. Or just lock her in a room with the talker on the train. That'll teach her.

Call Me Cate said...

As a more recent connoisseur of your blog, I enjoy the occasional repost. However, I'd enjoy it more if maybe you had punched that lady in the face. That, sir, is no lady!

Harmony said...

I find it awesome that you remained a gentleman in front of your pregnant wife. However a little slip of the foot when LITGG walked away could have easily been blamed on a misplaced chair. I know how cunningly evil you can be..next time put that concentrated power to use.

Love your repeat post...I am still rooting for the guy who winked at the girl to make it's back around. Love that post!

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

what a strange women. and, as i've only just discovered your blog, this post is a first for me.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Where do you go on vacation?

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

you encounter the most bizarre collection of characters!

I think it's Karma.

You must have done some real shite at some point!

Courtney said...

What a strange bird! I have an Aunt like that....who I no longer talk to.

otherworldlyone said...

Yogurt? What a weenie man. I'll bet if he gave her a good smack every now and then, he'd have been eating bacon.

Gaston Studio said...

I'm with Beth and the extra pot of water, although I'd want to make sure it was very HOT water!

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Heh, that was awesome. The next time I see a woman in a green gown I am going to laugh in her face.

Tooj said...

Clearly the baby wasn't yours. Duh.

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As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!