Monday, 1 June 2009

I Could Be A Porn Star

It was a horrible sticky evening at the end of a horrible sticky day. Some people love that kind of day. They see hot days as the bee's knees, the wasp's nipples* or even the hornet's eyebrows. I'm not so fond.

Don't get me wrong, I love the sun beating down on my face and nothing is as perfect as an ice-cold beer in the sun, except perhaps a good clean poo, but horrible sticky days make me feel horrible and sticky. Spending the day sweating like a Turkish wrestler is not my idea of fun.

I headed to our bedroom, persisting in the delusion that sleep would be possible if the window was open. How wrong I was. The room was stifling. I slipped into my birthday suit, slouched on the bed and opened my book. Minutes later my wife entered the room.

"A porn star would be jealous of that pose," she said.

It's nice to know that if developing financial software doesn't work out I have another career path available.

*Lifted from the great Douglas Adams.

P.S. I'd like to point you all to a fabulous article on tits written by an old friend of mine. Don't judge before you've read it...Pure brilliance!

68 comments:

Eric said...

Not sure I've ever seen a porn where the guy is reading a book the whole time...
BTW, wonderful link on tits!

Me, Amplified said...

It's always nice to have options.

Judge it? why would we judge it? *smirks*

otherworldlyone said...

That's exactly my kind of porn star...book in hand.

sas said...

'sweating like a Turkish wrestler'

Now thats hot ;)

Mr London Street said...

The difference between developing financial software and being a porn star in a nutshell is this:

Everyone thinks being a porn star would be glamorous and exciting but actually it's boring degrading and humdrum.

Everyone thinks developing financial software is boring degrading and humdrum.

And it is.

Minka said...

Good to know what else you can do, isn't it? Any other option? Singing? Strip tease?

Harmony said...

The tits link was very ummm...insightful. Who knew there were so many different types of tits?

Oh, I am in total agreeance with you on those hot, sticky, muggy, humid...I could use a pair of gills to breath properly days. Loathe them entirely.

Amy said...

It's so sweet that she said that!

Mary said...

at least you have a backup career...and all for just lounging and reading!

Joanie M said...

Good to know you have back-up plan.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Dude, what were you reading?

Anywho, expect a lot of Google-search traffic today. Seriously. The post title ensures it.

;-)

Lana said...

why do the two careers have to be mutually exclusive? hot sticky porn and software just sound like they belong together.

Snarky A. said...

First rabbit, and now porn star... hm... I'm sensing a theme.

jpooh said...

You develop financial software???

REALLY??

Well, we could have some long conversations. How well do you know accounting? Know anything about retail method? Would you consider immigrating to Podunk, Ohio?

I love Douglas Adams. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

jpooh said...

Oh, and do I get props for not calling you Mo "Mad Dog" Foreskin, considering the title of this post?

BeautifulWreck said...

It's always good to have something to fall back on should your first career choice fail. Porn+book = all good in my eyes!

Sass said...

Porn Stars slouch?

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

as long as the soft ware isn't your porn tools

Captain Dumbass said...

I'm with you on the heat. I don't even have a basement to hide in since I live at sea level and it would just fill with water. Then again, having an indoor pool would be nice.

I'm not going near the whole bed porn star thing. I don't need that imagery in my head all day. I don't need it for any length of time. Nothing personal.

diane said...

O.k., so lets see that portfolio! (I'm resisting the "sticky buns" jokes, at least until I've had my coffee)

Anna Russell said...

Douglas Adams reference + moaning about the heat when we usually moan it's too cold + porn star pose = winning post.

You have cracked the secret formula.

Tooj said...

Your wife sounds delightful. I think, if you haven't already, you should do a post introducing her to us.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Ah, so many wonderful images here. But we are having the same weatehr over here.

Courtney said...

cold beer and a good clean poo....two of my favorite things as well

ha!

ps: did the neighbors get a peek at your porn star style through that open window????

Cora said...

What? No picture to prove it, Mo?

;-)

Cora said...

And that tits article was truly fabulous!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Ahhh ... a porn star. I think I could do that too! Since, you know, I keep getting caught in the buff.

Kat said...

Glad my husband isn't the only one who lounges in the nude.

C.B. Jones said...

Thank you for not using pictures in this post.

Diane said...

I have always known you could be a porn star.

Always.

Michel said...

It is good that you have your plan B all picked out!

Sassy Britches said...

I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around a "clean" poo. Those words seem a bit mutually exclusive.

Samsmama said...

That's hot! It's always good to have options, should you ever decide to make a career change. Or, at the very least, you could freelance for some extra cash. Just a thought.

Michelle said...

Book reading porn star sounds fine to me Mo...

...but a 'good clean poo'?

There's a misconception if ever I heard one :)

blognut said...

I have never known a male porn star not to sit up 'straight'. In fact, I think they might take a medication to make sure of it. :)

Girl Interrupted said...

Aww, I saw the title of your post and dashed over here in high expectation of some titillating ... er, titillation ... and was a litttle bit disappointed that what I actually got was:

A) A "good clean poo" reference

B) Not a single accompanying pic with regards to the porn star pose!!

You, sir, are a tease!

andy said...

is it really terrible to admit that i think a good clean poo is awesome also?

whatever. i'm sure i've now offended any and everyone with my politically incorrect posts, titles, and comments.

good to be consistent.

andy

p.s. now i'm going to read about tits.

p.p.s. and think about your porn star pose.

Stacie's Madness said...

ugh, I don't like hot sticky days either...even worse, a naked hot sticky guy...or maybe not.

porn pose. Nice.

Hit 40 said...

Wonderful wife! I'll have a talent scout call you.

LOL

LiLu said...

You'd have to wax your ass, though.

It's the little things.

lizspin said...

I'd like to slip into my birthday suit. . . perhaps with a new seamstress. . .

Frogs in my formula said...

Oooh, you got me feeling all randy. I'm off to read about tits.

Mr. Condescending said...

mo you stud! what were you reading, books on C++?

Soda and Candy said...

Heh. Tits.

Oh yeah and as if I didn't think you were awesome enough already you go and quote Douglas Adams.

: )

the mama bird diaries said...

No photo with this post?

No AC?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Where's the picture??

I love summer, but as I age like a good cheddar, my tolerance of the heat wanes. Wow, that was almost poetic...

So, where's the picture???

jessica o said...

"I for one am going to take a nice, clean poo and check out some tits," said my --okay, it was I. What? I'm only human.

Slyde said...

hey, i sleep naked too...

we should get together sometime and sleep naked together..

wait, that came out wrong...

Marinka said...

Awesome that your wife recognizes your talents! You are a lucky man!

Nej said...

I broke down and turned the A/C on Sunday afternoon. Sweating while just sitting and not doing anything is NOT acceptable in my book. You can probably see your breath in our house right now. Pure bliss!! :-)

bernthis said...

I've never seen a porn star reading in the nude or otherwise

Gwen said...

Hmmmmmm . . . literate porn. I am totally down with that.

Debbie said...

And in these economic times, having a second career can me a lifesaver. So when will you start?

♥ Braja said...

Somehow I don't believe I needed to read about how you might make it as a porn star at such an early part of the day...it's pre 5am...is this an indication of what Wednesday will be like? Holy crap....

Comedy Goddess said...

What, no pictures? You tease!

Pearl said...

Hey, it's a tough economy. Nice to know you have career options!
Pearl

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I have to agree that sticky hot days suck. And that explains my whole childhood.

It's always good to have career options. Everyone should be multitalented! :)

Beth said...

I just recently found out that porn actors had to do a little acting. I thought they just, you know, did their thing.

The Jules said...

I have also been known to assume the naked book reading position on hot nights.

Long experience has taught me not to slam the book.

Unless it's a paperback. Thats quite nice.

What?

Nikki-ann said...

Blimey, it was hot wasn't it?! I thought I was going to die on the tube over the past couple of days!

So, have you thought of any porn star DVD titles or even a name?! :D

rubbish said...

Good clean poo. Reminds me of a conversation with my Daughter when she was about five.
Daughter - "Dad, where does poo come from"?
Me (being a clever twat), "well babes, food passes down the oesophagus by a process called peristalsis. It enters into the stomach where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This extracts the protein before waste product enters the colon. Water is asorbed whereupon it then enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo".
Daughter - "Blimey, so where does Tigger come from"?
To be honest that comment is far too good for your blog and should be a post on my own but since your the only fucker that reads mine, so be it. Maybe you can have a best comment post and use this and then direct people to mine?
As for porn star, I'm guessing, Ron Jeremy?

Nej said...

@ rubbish - lol!!!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

AWESOME.

I also hate those sticky days, but hopefully you guys turned it around and made it a different kind of sticky, RAWR!

Shana said...

Options are always good !!

g said...

I'm not sure porn stars are ever depicted in repose. But - nice compliment from the missus, it sounds like.

SweetPeaSurry said...

I love days like that ... hot and sticky, but only when I get to come home to a nice cool air-conditioned apartment. GREENIES be damned!

Ahhh Porn a la The Thinker!!! Excellent!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

How could I not come around to read this hilarity for the past weeks?! Honestly.... I was looking forward to moving to England for the lovely cool weather until I read this bit about sweating like a Turkish wrestler. ;)

Only five more weeks. You, me, the families and beer. Glorious beer! (See, I am trying to ween myself off the bourbon so I can fit in better over there.)

ric said...

情趣用品,情趣,A片下載,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,情色,色情網站,色情遊戲,色情小說,情色文學,色情,aio交友愛情館,色情影片,臺灣情色網,寄情築園小遊戲,情色論壇,嘟嘟情人色網,情色視訊,愛情小說,言情小說,一葉情貼圖片區,情趣用品,情趣,色情漫畫,情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片,成人漫畫,成人文學,成人遊戲,成人電影,成人論壇,成人,做愛,aio,情色小說,ut聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,哈啦聊天室,視訊聊天,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,6k聊天室,視訊聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,視訊美女,視訊做愛,正妹牆,美女交友,玩美女人,美女,美女寫真,美女遊戲,hi5,hilive,hi5 tv,a383,微風論壇,微風

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!