Friday, 10 July 2009

You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive.

I was sitting outside at a French café, sampling a local beer and observing the world around me. I pride myself on my observation skills. An astute people-watcher, I like to think I can know volumes about someone the second I see them. A bit of a Sherlock Holmes, I like to think. Remember when Holmes meets Watson for the first time and immediately comes out with "You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive." I'm just like that, I like to think.

The two men walked up to the café and stopped to look at the menu. I could immediately tell they were gay, the evidence speaks for itself. Both were tall, clean-shaven, well-dressed, extremely fashionable. Too fashionable. Both in matching jeans, brown leather belts, pointy leather shoes, open-collar shirts. The shirts were finely pressed, perfect fit, identical cut, one wore blue, the other pink. I looked down at my ripped jeans and baby-stained t-shirt in shame.

They sat down at a table and crossed their legs in total synchronisation (right over left). In two swift actions they placed their leather wallets side by side on the table, then placed their mobile phones on top of the wallets. Not that there is anything wrong with this, by the way, it was simply fascinating. Gay, fashionable, synchronised to an extreme and totally comfortable.

And then their girlfriends showed up, one with a baby. I must have been having an off day.

62 comments:

jpooh said...

I think you've discovered a new Olympic sport:

Synchronized Metrosexuality.

Harmony said...

LMAO @ jpooh! I was thinking the same thing 'metrosexuals'

I am not too sure that you are all that off just yet. We need more evidence.

Eric said...

Was it a French café in Afghanistan? I could see how that would throw of your normally laser like precision in the skill of sizing people up. :)

Eric said...

throw 'off' that is.

Call Me Cate said...

Haha, that's awesome. I think my radar may have detected the same thing. Don't give up on your people-watching skills just yet.

Jerrod said...

i still say gay. all those events happening to one man is one thing... all that happening in synchronicity?

I call denial.

Samsmama said...

Do not adjust your gaydar, everything is fine. Those girls are beards, plain and simple.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

So....they weren't gay. Just whipped.

Kristine said...

Rats! If only you'd left a bit earlier, you'd be having the most ON day of the week, I'm sure.

Minka said...

You know that joke when two meds students were walking behind a man who was walking in a funny way, making the bet about the diagnosis? Spine problem, says the first one and hip injury the other. When they went to ask him (they did their best to remain polite), the man said:
You were wrong with that spine thing, you with your injury, I was wrong too- I thought I would only fart."

Minka said...

What I meant to say is - the reasons for one thing or another may be one we would never think of. That's life.

otherworldlyone said...

I agree with Samsmama....

total beards.

Bev said...

Ah, Gaydar on the fritz? That can be tricky!

I agree w/ Samsmama, though - pink shirt? C'mon now.

Fenix35 said...

Haha people watching IS one of the best past-times going.

Beth said...

Sounds like your gay-dar may need some adjustments. Or you could be right but the girls don't know it yet.

blognut said...

You need to have your gadar adjusted, Mo. Make room for the metrosexuals!

Or, you could maintain that the two really are gay and just haven't come out of the closet yet. After all, what were they doing in matching outfits?

Stacie's Madness said...

I think you were right in your assumption, they were totally gay, in disguise.

jadedj said...

Are we really sure that they were men? Could be.

Nikki said...

Sounds to me like some undercover homosexuals. Kinda like all of the men in American Senatorial positions it seems...

Simon said...

But could you tell that they were Freemasons who had worked at some time for the British East India Company, and had recently visited Spain?

Gwen said...

Hmmmmmm. I'm not convinced your initial observation was inaccurate but you may want to hold off on sending that application to Scotland Yard, at least until you can get the baby-stains out of your tee. Try Oxyclean.

Ananda girl said...

Ooops! HAHAHAHA.

Thanks for stopping by today,Mo. Honestly... it's not like that often. Only on Fridays.

Hey... you have funny readers too.

Captain Dumbass said...

Maybe it was two gay couples?

♥ Braja said...

lol...hilarious...you had me goin'....

Although if i'd been there? I'da been arguing with you that they were straight, and you woulda had to buy the next round, and they woulda started thinkin' you and I were married and having a domestic, and to prove THEM wrong i'd have had to make a pass at one of their wives.

Wait...

Huh??

Jeez you get me in trouble. It's your shout.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Fascinating actually. My gaydar would have been up too.

rubbish said...

Pain in the arse when your observation skills go haywire. First time I saw my Wife I thought, bet she's a lovely woman. How wrong can you be?
Now I just think the worse of everyone. Cardiff, for instance, is full of psychopathic, Nazi, gay, serial killing, transvestites.
You should move down here Mo!

Princess Andy said...

i wouldn't doubt your skills of observation for a second.

the women were probably just surrogates for their love babies.

that happens you know.

andy

Nikki-ann said...

LOL! :)

Nej said...

You sure they were girlfriends, and not maybe the sister of one? Or maybe they were brothers??

People watching is most excellent. :-)

The Jules said...

Gaydar on the blink? What a bummer.

Cora said...

Go figure. They sounded gay to me too.

Audra said...

How flamed and fried will I get if I say not gay just French.

I will add that I am totally kidding, I am just programmed to go for the French jokes.

Jeanne said...

I'm thinking the France thing threw you off.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Is it even possible for a straight man to have accurate gaydar?

Although for what it's worth, they fooled me too ;)

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Maybe they were a couple, and their two lady friends were also a couple...

Or maybe the dudes were having an affair with one another...

Oh, the permutations and combinations in this scenario!

Comedy Goddess said...

Okay, that's funny!
I'm forever thinking straight guys are gay and gay guys are straight.

It's called seriously lacking gay-dar.

Diane said...

Your gaydar just needs adjustment, that's all.

cactus petunia said...

Your astuteness is truly astounding.

cactus petunia said...

Oops! I almost forgot...you have an award waiting for you on my other blog: http://campcactus.blogspot.com
Congratulations!

Lucy Filet (tafka Kylie) said...

I totally would have called it the same. Yesterday Tigger and I saw a man walking down the street in a glitter t-shirt. Tigger said, "Is he gay?" I said, "Straight me don't wear glitter." Was he? I've no clue.

And then there's the teacher at the school who is married but is always immaculately groomed and wears a lot of pink. I'm convinced he's gay. Despite the fact that he is married to a woman.

Me, Amplified said...

you really should clarify what 'baby stains' are for all of us without babies. are the stains from the babies? or are they actual babies?

Vodka Mom said...

and then their girlfriends showed up............




perfect. HA!

diane said...

There's nothing I could say that beat's jpooh's comment. xo

katrocket said...

Sometimes Gay and French are doppelgangers.

Gaston Studio said...

Oh, I LOVE it! Would have been right there with you in your observation conclusion, what with that description!
LOL.

Soda and Candy said...

European men in general can get away with looking more gay then English or American men. I don't know why that is.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I'd love to be all fancy and know how to say "foursome" in french like, hey maybe it was a menage a trois only with four people, but, sadly, menage a trois is the ONLY french I know.

The Daily Wit said...

47 comments??? Damn, your comment box told me to take a number and it would email me when there was room to comment.

Mr. Condescending said...

One of the funniest things I've ever heard was ona celebrity roast, and the lady goes "Andy Dick is so gay he can sit on a popsicle and tell you what flavor it is!"

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I was interested in marrying them both right up until the end.

Zimty_C said...

You have been to continental Europe, I perceive.

With European men, you get all the joy of a guy who can dress himself but won't steal your shoes ... maybe.

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

reminds me of the Graham Norton game "Is He Gay or EuroTrash"

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Isn't it frustrating when the stereotypes just don't fit anymore?

Fancy Schmancy said...

Haha, gay, or just French? Maybe they were twins.

Girl Interrupted said...

Pft! Everyone knows Watson was the real brains of the team ... Holmes was just a snooty, silly-hat wearing, crack ho!

Ps: They might have had an illicit "Brokeback Mountain" kinda thing going on the side ...

p.huong said...

My gay-dar is horrible. And it's embarrassing to admit because practically all of my friends that I hang out with from home are gay/lesbian.

ellen abbott said...

Thanks for the chuckle.

Cheffie-Mom said...

LOL! Congrats on the Post of the Day Award!

ArneA said...

Or just Bi-sexual
our prejudise will always lead us in a phobic way.
Very good post and congrat with potd

Joanna Jenkins said...

Very funny-- You could have been in my neighborhood.

Just stopped by from David McMahon's. Nice to meet you. I'll be back again soon.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

If there's one thing I've learned from Oprah, it's that you can be gay & married to one of the opposite sex.

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