Monday, 13 July 2009

I'll bet you're not this great in bed

I have a hypothetical question for you. A man is rudely awakened by a woman. She claims he has been repeatedly poking her in the eye. In addition she also claims that he stole all the covers, and that when she woke shivering, and tried to get them back, he wrapped them tightly round himself and snapped "It's MY blanket!".

Who is in the wrong?

I say the woman, these are not reasons to ruin a man's sleep. Besides, it is my blanket, and she should have kept her eye out of the way of my finger.

57 comments:

Audra said...

I say the woman should knee repeatedly in the groin until he gives back the covers

Call Me Cate said...

Whoa, your blog looks different.

Also, this is why I keep my own blanket handy on my side of the bed. If he steals the others, I have my own.

As for the poking in the eye... You should really try not to do that. Hypothetically.

jpooh said...

I say you're 100% right - it IS your blanket, and yes, she should keep her eye away from her finger.

However, having said that, the next time she keeps parts of her body away from you in your attempt to poke them, remember this post.

ladytruth said...

Lol! She didn't mention anything about snoring?! At least she got lucky in THAT department :) If there's a next time, she should take her own blanket and put on one of those blindfolds to keep the light and unwanted fingers out!

Amy said...

I believe blankets are community property in a case like this and you must learn to share. And keep your hands to yourself. And use your inside voice.

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

the woman is a good person

I would have duct taped the blanket to his body permanently, and rubber banded his fingers together.

I bet it would never happen again.

Amy said...

And also hold someone's hand and look both ways before crossing the street.

blognut said...

I'm with Audra on this one. If, hypothetically speaking, a man were to repeatedly poke me in the eye, he would need to be careful to keep his groin out of the way of my knee.

Just sayin'.

blognut said...

Oh - and your blog? It looks different. I hope it doesn't make my butt look big or I won't be able to come here anymore.

expateek said...

You idiot! That was foreplay! Gah. Men can be so stupid sometimes.

Gwen said...

Hey! Where am I? This place looks different, like a spa all cool blue and green. I like it! but keep your damn fingers away from my eyes if you want to keep them

Simon said...

It’s impossible to say who’s in the wrong without being sure who’s blanket it actually is. Proof of ownership would be required.

And I’d just like to say that I didn’t notice that your blog layout had changed. This is another of the fundamental differences between men and women.

Bev said...

Ha! I'm siding with the lady on this one. Eye pokage and blanket-stealing? Time for twin beds. ;)

Ananda girl said...

Isn't there a rule about what can poke what in bed? Well, there should be and eyes are not in it!

rubbish said...

Mo, your Mrs is a nightmare. She does exactly the same thing with me. Sort her out will you ;)

Courtney said...

As a blanket stealer myself, I shall side with the man on that one....however, the poking of the eyeball is 100% not OK. I've received an elbow to the face before and had to hold back from giving a bitch slap in return.

Eric said...

Epic new site layout. It's your blanket...

ps - They tell me I'm good in bed, particularly when I sleep alone.

otherworldlyone said...

Lol @ Rubbish!

If she was REPEATEDLY poked in the eye, you would think she'd move the damn thing, right? As for the blanket, that depends on whether you originally agreed to share it with her or not. You can't be an indian giver.

Captain Dumbass said...

What was stopping her from getting another blanket? Some people are just plain inconsiderate.

Soda and Candy said...

I would say stop video-taping nights at my house.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Well, things are certainly looking classy here, mo! I thought I'd stumbled onto the wrong blog for one horrible second...

Blanket-stealing is a perfectly legitimate night-time sport. However, I must remind you that the rules specifically preclude eye-gouging of any kind. The victim is now entitled to vengeance of any kind she sees fit. It's in the rulebook, I swear!

Nej said...

Oh man.....you're lucky. She should have just started poking you in the eye right back.

Or a good accidental kick to the kidneys maybe?

Too rough???? :-)

Comedy Goddess said...

Ooo, I love these hypothetical questions.
You are right of course!
I know who my friends are.

Mr London Street said...

I think nobody can be held responsible for things they do while asleep.

Sadly, this was not an argument that held much water back when, aged about 4, I sleepwalked into my brother's bedroom and pissed all over him.

Ookami Snow said...

My wife steals all the blankets at night... I just have my own stash of blankets that I use.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I'm siding with you, too, only because I have been rudely awakened for no good reasons just like this on several nights over the past nine years.

The worst was the night I needed to be up and at work by 6 am for a teleconference with people from Japan. She came home from work, turned on all the lights, and sat down and proceeded to do her nails. Finally, after about thirty minutes, I was like "what the hell? you know I have to get up early." And her response was, "My nails really need to be done."

Hit 40 said...

My husband and I fight over the covers too. He kicks me in his sleep with toenails that need cut!! OUCH!!! I usually pull all the covers off of him. After I did this a couple times, he has stopped rolling with the blankets.

Samsmama said...

I was just relieved to read that it was your finger that was poking her in the eye.

BeautifulWreck said...

I think said wife needs to play grit ball with said husband and the next time he tries to poke her with say something between his legs, then she make it extremely painful for said husband. But I am not a nice person.

Diane said...

Hypothetical, eh?

I dunno who's right and who's wrong but I do know that, while being poked in bed can be very nice, a poke to the eye is generally not appealing.

Just sayin'.

Girl Interrupted said...

Ever considered sleeping bags?

There should be "Mo-Cam" ... I could happily watch this stuff for hours!

But then I'm a pervy voyeur.

Oooh! New blog look! Nice!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

If there were eye poking and cover stealing, my elbow and knee would have made some connection somewhere...I'm just sayin'. ;)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Does the hypothetical man ever want to have sex again? That is the real question.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You changed your layout MO. And it is the same template I used. It made me very confused when I got here.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Might very well be a draw.

Who bought the too small blanket?

Who married a man child who would say something like 'my blanket'?

:)

Maria Roth said...

I take it your wife doesn't read your blog...If she DOES, you're a crazy man. Your blog looks totally different--I hope that's intentional. ;) How are you?

Stacie's Madness said...

agrees with audra.

LiLu said...

You and B would get along juuuuuuuuuust fine.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

you really don't want me to answer this one...lol

cactus petunia said...

Why do I have the feeling your wife is considering separate beds?

Just far enough apart so as not to get poked.

Irish Gumbo said...

I am Solomon:

Cut the blanket in half.

You can send accolades and maybe some beer, anytime now. You're welcome!

SweetPeaSurry said...

SEE! SEE! This is exactly why, when I get married, I want a house and a carriage house. So that if there's problems ... there are TWO separate corners, sleeping areas, bathrooms and kitchens! Hells yeah! amiright? amiright? Of COURSE I am! he he

blessings!

the mama bird diaries said...

Obviously, you're in the right here.

San Diego Momma said...

Heeee heee heee on what Cactus Petunia said.

"Poked."

Hee heee heee.

San Diego Momma said...

Heeee heee heee on what Cactus Petunia said.

"Poked."

Hee heee heee.

Mr. Condescending said...

If another peep comes out of her yapper, then poke her in the peeper with your pecker.

Mr. Condescending said...

If another peep comes out of her yapper, then poke her in the peeper with your pecker.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

My husband snores and I just whack him once in awhile to get him to turn over. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. He's always hot and I'm always cold so sharing a blanket isn't a problem for us. In your case, why not just add another blanket to the bed so you can each have a whole one to yourself?

The Daily Wit said...

I find women to be totally unreasonable about the eye-gouging. In fact, I think I'll give my wife a poke right now just to reinforce who's boss.

Me, Amplified said...

geez Mo, i thought this was hypothetical, but at least half of your commentors thought that this man was YOU. that's so weird! you wouldn't do something like that!

p.s. i totally agree with Girl Interupted. about the sleeping bags of course, my stalking quota has been filled for the year ;)

Mary said...

who ever wakes the other- no matter the reason, even for fire- is in the wrong. Its really that simple.
Unless its me, waking my husband for any reason, then's its just fine.
helpful?

Cowguy said...

Kim Jong Il.

It's his fault.

The bastard.

The Jules said...

She should be thanking you for the attention!

Frogs in my formula said...

It's the blanket's fault.

bernthis said...

I believe the woman is correct and you should give her copious amounts of money as an apology

Harmony said...

LMAO @ The Daily Wit..HILARIOUS!

My husband is a blanket hog too! If I can't get him to give a little, I end up grabbing a blanket of my own. If he were to continually poke me in my eye, regardless of all me efforts against it..I would definitely wake him up and ask him to stop.

Organic Meatbag said...

I had a friend that once in while would actually flat-out punch his ex-wife during his sleep...note that I said "ex-wife"?

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!