"Excuse me," she said, bounding up to me like a rabbit on speed, "do you know where the nearest toilet is?"
The band at the Gemini beach bar was rocking away, the sun was beating down, we had finally reached the beach after a maddening 30 minutes dodging Brighton's charity collectors. Out of the blue a large woman clad in a monstrous pink rugby shirt manifested herself. She was high and her body language smacked of a terrible bladder situation. She was discomfort itself.
"Um, I'm not sure," I replied.
To be perfectly honest I didn't even try. She had put one hand on Bubba Stoneskin's pram and was leaning forward uncomfortably. It's hard to think clearly in a world congested to overflowing with charity collectors and frenzied high-as-a-kite ladies in hideously large rugby shirts. Especially pink ones. In moments like these I tend to freeze.
"Please," she pleaded, "just make a guess."
"I think there's one by The Exchange," I suggested.
Hope came over the face of this amorphous mass of pink. She leaned forward, the stench of lager-breath was nauseating. Nothing could have prepared me for the randomness of her reply
"Thanks rabbit," she said, and shuffled off.
Rabbit?
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
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58 comments:
omg I just laughed out loud.
Was her name ALice?
Gee, part of me hopes there was a bathroom there. Part of me doesn't.
The larger part, I'm sorry to say.
What kind of a world do you live in anyway???
Rabbit?? Maybe she picked up on your psychic projection of 'she looks a bit like a rabbit on speed'...
Hahaha, you are lucky she didn't stay and swallow you whole.
Thank you for the glorious laugh. I'm going to start calling strangers by random animal names.
Have a good day, Emu.
The blogger in me is laughing. The chubby chaser in me thinks you should have shown more compassion.
It was either your ears. Or your teeth.
Jesus mo that was hilarious. You make me visualize it perfect. "She was discomfort itself" was hilarious. Also such perfect placement of 'manifest.' I'd rather read your posts than go to the cinema.
Oh and wtf is a pram.
Funny... I've always pictured you a rabbit. But I do NOT own a pink rugby. Just sayin'.
Maybe she thought you looked good enough to put in a stew.
Just sayin'.
Rabbit? How odd. I thought she might tip the pram over so I'm relieved Bubba is ok.
You live in an interesting place dude.
Is this some random term of endearment I'm not familiar with? Like here in the South, they like to call everyone "shug", like "sugar". And it makes me want to punch them in the face.
Next time I am presented with the opportunity, I'm totally gonna call someone a rabbit.
It's funny to me that she was so desperate that a mere guess satisfied her. hee hee
She marked you. Don't go back to Brighton.
Funny story, Rabbit. This makes me think of "The Matrix." :)
I am surprised she didn't turn around and have a large wee stain on the back of her skirt.
Rabbit? Seriously?
Rabbit??
Ha ha, that is hilariously confusing.
I'm kind of hoping there wasn't a bathroom there, Rabbit.
Rabbit? Has she been reading your private journal? Maybe there have been rumors around town?
rabbit?
i'm pretty sure alice in wonderland never got drunk, and i'm fairly certain that if she DID find the bathroom, she wouldnt want to travel down THAT hole..
Rabbit?
Do you have an overbite, Mo? Big ears, perhaps? Were you maybe hopping up and down while talking to her? No?
I can't explain it then. Sorry.
Aaah! I was fearing for Bubba that she would be crushed under the amorphous mass of pink!
Rabbit..at least she didn't call you donkey. I don't know how that is any better. But it's what I got right now.
LMAO @ both Vodka Mom and jpooh...hilarious!
From henceforth, you shall be known only as Mo "Roger Rabbit" Stoneskin.
Maybe you liked her more than you care to admit and were foaming at the mouth. And were too flustered to realise she'd actually said "rabid".
I was going to go with the "Alice in Wonderland" thing, but too many people have done that already, so...
- Maybe she meant to call you "honey bunny" but it got came out "rabbit".
- Dude, she wasn't talking to you. Since you were being as handy as pockets in your uderwear, Harvey gave het proper directions.
Rabbit?! Hehe. I've heard chick and duck being used in those terms, but never rabbit! :D
awww, she thought you were cute.
or perhaps she was going for originality and figured everyone else called you poppet?
andy
p.s. i expect to see the pictures of your massive ears shortly.
You attract this kind of stuff, don't you?
Have a lovely evening, Possum.
Bugs bunny or the easter bunny?? Wow she was high!!
I know what a pram is..... darn it - where are the baby pictures for us!!!!!!!!!
I feel cheated!!!!!!
Babies, kitties!!! They must all be photographed to share.
I will come across that big pond to find the baby!!
I think I would have suggested that maybe she utilize her amorphous rugby for it's original purpose (a tent) and squat down for a wee. It's not like anyone would see her private bits amongst all that fabric.
what? no picture for me to post on Pink Saturday??????
where is your mind?
LOL!!! Ha HA! And I thought MY post was random today.....
"Amorphous pink mass" -- I am calling every large person in a dominant color that from now on. :D
And when you say "high" do you mean drunk or from a spliff???
I am gleaning all kinds of important subtleties of English life and language from this blog of yours. :)
And as a bonus, check this out: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp
I tweeted it and it is in my post, but it bears repeating.... just scroll down to the customer reviews and read the all-american batshit goodness. :D
Ever read Confederacy of Dunces? Your description of Rabbit Lady was a dead ringer for Ignatius Reilly.
Rabbit works.
Rabbit? As in sex toy rabbit? LOL
Which team plays in pink then?
I'm using this reply for everyone I see today. lol love it.
LOL Take a guess?
She might as well have gone in the ocean!
You have the most amazing stories!! Do you somehow draw people like this to you? Or are you just noticing the amazingly crazy people I never see?
Keep writing - I love it!
That's cute. I'm calling you Rabbit from now on.
Maybe she thought you WERE a rabbit, due to the alcohol-induced hallucinations....
What the heck? You gotta love a drunk.
Rabbit?
*Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
Haha ;)
roflmao.
Maybe thought she was Alice, and you were the white rabbit?
Although I don't think Alice would be caught dead in a humongous pink rugby shirt.
Maybe you were looking cute as a bunny. LOL
Bunny huh? HOw many kids do you have?
Jeez...51 comments? Nice job...rabbit.
Maybe she was hallucinating...
Bubba is never going to be able to see anything pink without screaming and trying to run away. you could have so much fun with this....
I AM RABBIT!
But yes, she very well could have been in Wonderland.
And you have a thing for colors.
You waskily wabbit you. :-)
Poor Alice bit off too much cracker and grew too large for her wee bladder.
rabbit?
Holding the bladder until it smacks you silly I guess is always interesting to watch :)
Never fun if your the one getting smacked. By your bladder.
Hey!! That's what I call my daughter. And I don't know why. And no, I'm not drunk...
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