Friday, 24 April 2009

The Battle For the Rear-Facing Seat (part 2)

[You'll have had to have read yesterday's post to get this]

It didn't quite happen like the picture suggests (and please, don't hold back in your praise of my phenomenal artistic talent). I sacrificed my precious coffee in order to get down to the platform early. Now that is dedication for you. I am normally on the platform a good five minutes before my adversary. Sometimes the train is already there, in which case I'm typically in the carriage five minutes before him. This morning the train was already there. In theory I would have been there ten minutes before him. Ample time to settle myself in his seat, patiently waiting for him to rush on and then meander away like a diffident sheep.

[wait for it]

He was already in his seat. The rear-facing window seat that he holds so close to his heart. He looked pretty settled, coffee on the table, bag on the rack above his head. I don't like to brag, but I consider myself a bit of a connoisseur of commuting body language, a true authority on the subject. I reckon by his settled appearance he had been there at least five minutes.

He had got on the train close to fifteen minutes earlier than normal in order to claim his seat. He looked up at me as I got on the train. A smug smile adorned his face. An expression of seamless, triumphant victory. Defeated. It was a genuine feast for the eye, he had got there fifteen minutes early! I, on the other hand, had skipped my caffeine fix and was left with the damp disappointment of failed chicanery.

I'll let him keep the seat.

52 comments:

Eric said...

Howdy pardner,
Some folks...
Your drawing suggests that you might have vomited on him in retaliation... Nice art.

Snarky A. said...

Don't let his dedication and smug victory smile deter you, Mo! Sure, he may have won the battle, but hardly the war. I say, camp out on the platform on Sunday night, sleeping bag and all, and beat him to the seat no matter what. Make it a foot race if you have to, foot hooks, elbow jabs and face punches included. Don't let that smug seat-hogger win!
We're rooting for you!

And, clearly, you are very gifted artistically. I'm impressed.

Call Me Cate said...

I agree with Eric - that looks like puke.

That dude is really dedicated. I think after awhile, he'll get lazy about it. And then you should just randomly show up and take his seat again. Because that would be made of awesome.

Slyde said...

my wife MUST be in the front facing seat anytime we take a train, or she wont ride. She says rear-facing makes her sick

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

I'm so glad you posted this. I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next...

Here's the beauty of this. Every few days just show up early and get the seat. Or sometimes two days in a row. If you steal his seat on random days, he'll never know when you might be there and he'll be getting up earlier and earlier every day to beat you there. Then you win. My god, this is hilarious. Makes me wish I had a job to commute to.

rubbish said...

Where would this country be if everyone had your defeatist attitude? Talking German no doubt. Get a grip Mo, grow a pair and sort it out.

Samsmama said...

I say you just go sit on his lap. And say nothing.

Captain Dumbass said...

I'd frame that picture. He might have beat you, but now he's screwing up his whole morning schedule just to get there on time. Let him go for a couple of days and then do it again.

Nikki said...

I say you scared him and agree with captain dumbass. You have screwed up his whole schedule. He will continue coming to the train early for a few days thinking you will take his seat. After about a week he will get lazy again. THEN take his seat again. MWAHAHAHA! You will have him so irregular he won't be able to poop for months!

Sassy Britches said...

I still say the Doc Holiday wink would work EVEN in the face of defeat. It would have a whole different meaning, and you would still "win."

Really, one can never go wrong with the proper Doc Holiday wink.

Cora said...

Clearly, you rattled him yesterday. For him to go to such an extreme today, wow, yes, you got under his skin, I'd say.

That has to be satisfying. I bet he was dwelling on it all night, losing sleep and everything!!

Bravo, Mo!

Courtney said...

That guy does NOT mess around!

ps: I had an incident with a cup of tea yesterday similar to your incident with a white shirt and a cup of coffee. Due to my amazing reflexes my shirt was left spotLESS....

Peggy said...

How in the world did you not burst into laughter when you saw him sitting in that seat?

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

I suggest winking, smirking, and handing him your phone number, preferably while wearing a pink dress shirt.

He'll probably change jobs so he doesn't have to ride that train any longer.

C.B. Jones said...

Judging my that artist rendering, he was also playing a bongo drum in celebration(or pointing at the tattoo on his arm).

Barbwire...It goes all the way around...

Comedy Goddess said...

Dude, he is so reading your blog!

Comedy Goddess said...

Can you please get rid of the word verification? I always mess up and have to retype the next chain of letters.

I do value our time together, but really, please have a heart! I am not Ed for christsakes!

jpooh said...

Give it up, dear. You're never going to beat that kind of immature...asshattery. (Sorry, couldn't think of a better word, and I'm all about asshats today.)

Console yourself with the fact that he likely goes home every night with only his cat and World of Warcraft for company.

andy said...

such great comments from everyone else...i feel like i should have showed up earlier to beat them to it.

like rubbish said, grow a pair...but instead of sitting on his lap like sansmama advised i would sit DIRECTLY across from him with a pair of those googly eyed glasses on and mess 'im right up.

and giggle at inappropriate times.

or talk loudly on your cell phone about the fucktard sitting across from you.

that'll be a start.

blognut said...

Not that I want to encourage your mean-streak or anything, but I'd show up at the last minute for a few days and lull him into a false sense of security. Then I'd totally show up early again and steal his seat.

I'm evil like that. It's all about the victory.

But if you do it, I'm totally going to feel bad for him again.

I can't win.

blognut said...

By the way, I'm with Comedy Goddess on the word verification thing. I think you know us all well enough by now, and we've been together long enough, that we can probably give up practicing safe-blogging together and take our chances.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Goddammit. Not even a fight?! Nary a swear word?!?! Such hope...

Nikki-ann said...

ROTFL! I think you should now sit by him and stare for the whole journey! :D

Hit 40 said...

Gosh I was surprised that he really did give a shit about the seat? You must be a little bit of a mind reader.

What is Obama thinking? Are we getting health care or is he full of shit?

Diane said...

HA! That's totally something I would've done! You have to give him props (what ARE 'props' anyway? I've never known... I just use the word... which is quite stupid when you think about it). Anyway, that'll teach you!

PS... have you considered design school? Really. You're good ;)

bernthis said...

ok, both of you need to go to your respective corners and find a hobby.

Girl Interrupted said...

I agree with Cora ... the fact that he made such an effort to get that seat totally smells of desperation and a sleepless night! So in a way, you won! YaY!

And loved the picture! You perfectly captured the smugness.

Mr London Street said...

I wonder how many more days he'll turn up 15 minutes early before he drops his guard again?

Harmony said...

Wow, the power of panic is great in him...isn't it?

I wonder what the story is with that seat. Yes, he obviously had been there for quite some time. I say you let him continue to win. He'll fall back into routine once again...and when the moment presents itself...go for it. But never again at the expense of your morning coffee....I mean we all have priorities.

Kat said...

I just want to say if you drink a couple of pints and then read this post and all the comments it is almost so funny that I may have almost pee'd my pants. Almost.

I say you show up 20 minutes early on Monday, just for sport.

Currently Untitled said...

i love the picture. you perfectly captured his smug expression.

remember though, throughout all the evil schemes you enact, you mustn't start to care!!! otherwise you will be just like him (and none of us want that!) so assume an air of nonchalance and go get him!

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Next time, get there 20 minutes early, leave something disgusting and messy in the seat, and then leave.

Come back at your normal time and see if he's certifiably insane!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I bet he's blogging about YOU! : )

Scope said...

Sassy B., men must be very careful under what circumstances they wink at another man, lest, due to a horrific misunderstanding, they find themselves getting an "accidental" package check in return.

cactus petunia said...

Start sitting in a different car every day...I guarantee he'll be looking for you, wondering when and where you'll show up next. But good God, man! Giving up your coffee? He's not worth it!

Comedy Goddess said...

I just gave you an award. You can pick it up anytime!

Shana said...

I like the drawing!!
You are so funny!!

Soda and Candy said...

High-larious.

I love passive aggressive confrontations (between other people)

and yes, this drawing proves that you are pretty much this generation's Da Vinci.

; )

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Talk about poking a hole in your balloon. I'm sure you'll think of a new way to mess with him.

Cameron said...

Take a little satisfaction is knowing that you've forced him to alter his schedule by 15 minutes. You may have skipped coffee once, but he's going to have to hurry up for the rest of his days, knowing that if he is lax, even a little, you will pounce.

Stacie's Madness said...

omg, you are hilarious...and he TOTALLY kicked your ass.

hahaha. train wars, that sounds like the next up and coming reality series.

the mama bird diaries said...

Who wants to be 15 minutes early for the train? Forget it. Enjoy your coffee and a seat far far away from that weirdo.

Jay said...

Sorry to hear of your defeat.
Better luck next time.

Mr London Street said...

1. Turn up 20 minutes early.
2. Put chewing gum on "the seat".
3. Leave train.
4. Get on train 10 minutes later.
5. Convincingly feign disappointment that he has yet again nicked "your" seat.
6. Feel smug all the way to work.

Frogs in my formula said...

As a former mass transit commuter I know all too well the appeal of the rear facing seat, as well as the unspoken tactics one resorts to to claim those seats.

Nice drawing. The puke comments made me laugh out loud.

Fragrant Liar said...

'kay, I'm thinking you need to bring two cups of coffee with you next time, and give him one. Especially if you get there earlier. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. ;)

Kylie w Warszawie said...

Okay, wow. Things that commuters will do...

but then I've been known to do some pretty random things too. Like go grocery shopping at 2 in the morning at Tesco in the month before Christmas so that I can avoid lines.

Seriously.

Nej said...

No!! You can't give up! Go back to your normal schedule...and he'll get used to you not racing for the seat...and that's when you do it to him again!

Or, it at least gives you time to come up with something else to do to torture him. :-)

The Rambler said...

I had really hoped the smug stick guy sitting was you and the crazy looking one standing was him.

Damn.

Maria Roth said...

Oh, so you can't draw...So what? You're a nice guy. Now, Monday morning you need to sit down and interview this guy. Give him a chance to explain (and hopefully humiliate) himself. :)

Tooj said...

At least you tried. And you were man enough to admit defeat to us. You could have lied, and you didn't.

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