Friday, 17 April 2009

I didn't wet myself (honest)

The day started brightly, a gorgeous Spring morning and I was in high spirits, probably because it is Friday. I thoroughly enjoyed my walk to the station. The sun was shining, the tide was high, the fishing boats were on their way out and the light was reflecting of the water in spectacular fashion. It would have been a photo moment if the cheap batteries I had bought from a newsagent hadn't died after barely 5 photos.

Dressed in my favourite white shirt, which had been expertly ironed by my wife (bless her little cotton socks), I was feeling rather dapper, debonair even. I love going to work feeling smart and professional, as opposed to looking like the cat dragged me in after finding me floundering in a muddy ditch.

Rather ironically I was chuckling to myself about Mr London Street's hilarious milk on crotch incident, which reminded me of my own toothpaste on crotch incident which occurred fairly recently.

I picked up a coffee from Cafe Nero on the way in. Sitting in the office I was just finishing the coffee, neck craned right back, when the stupid plastic lid popped right off. Time slowed right down, I heard the pop, a gurgle, and the rushing sound of coffee, the sound of doom if you like. It spilt all down my crisp white shirt, and in a feat of deadly marksmanship completely drenched my crotch.

I've spent the rest of the morning looking like a cat found me floundering in a muddy ditch, dragged me in, and then watched me piss myself.

42 comments:

Kat said...

Hopefully the coffee wasn't too hot. I can't imagine that would be too comfortable.

jpooh said...

Okay, so you just described every morning of my adult, working life.

Your point is?

Eric said...

Drving to work ... tryng to read this on phone... !!! just spilt coffee !!! Dmn :)

Girl Interrupted said...

Hahahaha ... aw! Poor Mo! :P

I'm not sure who makes me laugh more sometimes, you or Mr L S. You both have very different styles but are both totally awesome.

Great post :)

Shawn said...

I personally prefer the 'dragged in by a cat looking like you pissed yourself' look much more than that debonair thing anyway.

So, umm..whatcha doing later? ;o)

Comedy Goddess said...

I have a feeling that you still look dapper and debonair even with a trail of spilt coffee down your front. Or have I just let my imagination run?

Minka said...

You seem to be defending all the time - you didn't do this, didn't do that... I'm starting to wonder... :D

Diane said...

So... you're saying you look like me most days.

At least it's Friday...?

Captain Dumbass said...

Is this just to cover up what you did last night and did wake up in a muddy ditch?

Anna Russell said...

I don't believe you. I decided not to believe you the second I read the title. You did wet yourself. At least, that's what I'm telling everyone.

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

hopefully, there was no need for bandages

Vodka Mom said...

holy shit I laughed out LOUD!

The question is- are you swollen down there? Cause if you ARE, well, never mind.

blognut said...

Holy Crap! I think I just peed on myself reading this!

If it's any consolation to you, I look like something that cat dragged in most of the time. Although, I don't usually look like I peed myself... yet.

Tooj said...

Please please please provide pictures the next time you tell a story like this!! Please?

Call Me Cate said...

Hope the rest of your day went better. For the record, my cats have never dragged anything from a ditch. Too much work.

Mr London Street said...

Thanks for the plug! And sorry that the spilled fluids are contagious.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Hot hot coffee??

Snarky A. said...

Really hoping Cafe Nero is the lazy kind that serves lukewarm coffee...

I also hope you took proper advantage of the opportunity to thoroughly freak your coworkers out:

Coworker: Oh, spilled coffee all over your crotch, did you?
Mo: Nope. Peed myself this morning.
Coworker: ...

And Mo, don't feel bad. Monday is a new day to once again attempt to look dapper at work. You'll get there! :)

Maria Roth said...

Oh, dear. It's a rule, though: white shirts attract stains. Just tell people it was a REALLY LARGE cat that dragged you through the mud. :)

Gwen said...

I find that if you look like the cat dragged you in after finding you floundering in a muddy ditch people expect less which makes it easier to impress them in other ways.

Michelle said...

Oh dear.

cactus petunia said...

I've found the best remedy for stained white shirts is to wear turtlenecks with a jacket over them...that way., when you spill coffee down your front on the way to work you can just turn it around and wear it backwards for the rest of the day. I swear it works. I do it all the time!

The crotch bit, though? Not sure that method would work on pants.

Nej said...

The second I read "white shirt" I just shook my head....thinking "this can't end well."

:-)

andy said...

but did you burn your bits and pieces?

i scorched my arm on the oven taking out the easter turkey.

stupid bird.

tasty.

andy

p.s. i haven't ironed a shirt in years. your wife is awesome.

Stacie's Madness said...

oh no...lol.

Typical isn't it?

Nikki-ann said...

LOL! I hope the coffee wasn't too hot and didn't burn you! Hehe... The moment you're smug about something is the exact moment you get caught out :D

Hit 40 said...

I poured a coke on myself at lunch the lid also popped off. I guess it was time to dry clean the shirt. I like my clothes to age between a wash.

lizspin said...

Deadly marksmanship? I hope it had cooled down a bit. . .

Peggy said...

Well...at least you didn't wet yourself.

And, that's what you get for calling me out on being old! :p

Fragrant Liar said...

Ouch! You okay? I can't even imagine spilling on the ol' hoo-ha. Oh wait, yes I can. I have done that before with scalding chicken noodle soup. Eeek. I'm so sorry for your sodden shirt and crotch.

:)) The word verification is narodsod. How serendipitous!

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Bummer. I hate to spill on myself at work!

bernthis said...

that is pretty much the type of thing that happens whenever I go out for Italian food.

white shirt five seconds later, white and RED shirt

bernthis said...

that is pretty much the type of thing that happens whenever I go out for Italian food.

white shirt five seconds later, white and RED shirt

Courtney said...

Wearing white is like putting out and advertisement for a stain....

ps: she was definitely driving her car whilst throwing back some wine...scary and hilarious all at once.

The Girl Next Door said...

If someone can sue for spilling "unexpectedly hot coffee" on themselves while driving, can you sue for for defective lid?

Thanks for the side-splitting laugh. Hope your weekend is going well!

Sassy Britches said...

Don't sweat it. Te back-to-nature look is IN these days.

Jason, as himself said...

Awwww, that's the worst! Did it get in your ears, too?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Did you burn your . . . self?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I look like that every day. Am I right to now think that doesn't look good??

Vodka Mom said...

did the swelling go down? just checking.

ha.

the mama bird diaries said...

I HATE when I spill coffee on myself. I feel like such a dork.

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