Monday, 13 April 2009

I Was NOT Wiggling

It was 3AM. We were in the twin room. My wife was in dreamland a few feet away, I was propped up on about seventeen pillows, snuffling like a pig. Nine hours on the road had done nothing for my cold. Knowing how irritating it can be sharing a room with a snuffling pig, squirming constantly to get comfortable, I had spent the past five hours diligently keeping still.

A cockerel crowed. At 3AM for goodness' sake. I could have done with a gun. My eyes wandered lazily around the room, the only possible weapon was my electric toothbrush. I could teach that half-wit cockerel a valuable lesson with an electric toothbrush.

Vroom, vroom, vroom!

#Squawk!#Peck!#

Vroom, vroom, vroom! Wuhahahahaha...

Unfortunately the damn thing was probably half a mile away. Uncomfortable, I shifted my position slightly.

"Stop wiggling, wiggling," snapped my wife, who was asleep and swears she doesn't remember this.

"What did you say?" I asked, knowing full well what she said but playing along.

"Wiggling!" she replied vehemently.

For the record I wasn't wiggling, and I certainly wasn't wiggling, at the very most I had conducted a half-wriggle.

I ignored her and focused on the cockerel. Maybe I could conjure up some flying tarpaulin (see last post), or better still a pack of wolves. Or even better, a motley croud of cruel children, armed with electric toothbrushes and peashooters.

Vroom, vroom, vroom! Pop! Thwack!

#Squawk!#Peck!#Flap!#Squawk!#Peck!#Flap!#

Wuhahahaha. I would make a great wizard.

43 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Electric toothbrushes and pea shooters? Your home is well guarded, I see.

;-)

Kat said...

I resorted to sleeping with my 2 year old in her bed because I was coughing and wiggling too much in my bed and keeping the Mr. awake and he has to get up at 5am for work. Thankfully the 2 year old sleeps like the dead.

Sass said...

I have been coughing my brains out for two solid weeks. My husband sleeps so soundly, he luckily never notices.

Ugh.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Here on the ranch, we wake to the sound of roosters, er... cockerels? every morning.

The first couple of years, I fantasized about wringing each and every one of their necks - now, I've got my sights set on the Peacock.

Diane said...

Yeah. I think you were wiggling. Totally.

Minka said...

Why don't you set our cockerel for seven a.m. or something? No need to be violent, is there?
:D

Minka said...

Oooops, I meant Your cockerel... of course... it was a typo, sorry

Diane said...

You were too.

Nikki said...

Electric razors work great when guarding sleep as well. Just try it. You'll see.

Mr London Street said...

Nothing says "making do" quite like twin beds.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Never actually thought of using an electric toothbrush in such a manner, but I will now.

Call Me Cate said...

Remind me not to get on your bad side. Electric toothbrushes are dangerous! Hope you feel better soon - I'm feeling like crud myself.

Eric said...

No one wants a 'fowl' 'brush' with Mo Stoneskin, wizard extraordinaire...

blognut said...

I believe you were wiggling. Your wife was right.

You were snuffling like a pig, too.

Maria Roth said...

Well, I agree that you'd make a great wizard, but I think you need to rethink your choice of weapons. Unless you're talking about a MAGIC electric toothbrush. "Mad Dog Wiggler": that's your wizard name (sort of like Mad Eye Moody from "Harry Potter"). :)

Sassy Britches said...

I am impressed how you keep yourself entertained. Me? I'd be crying by that point in my misery! I woke up to cokerels every morning of my life, and I can't stand the buggers.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I love sleep talkers...

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Anna Russell said...

*omits cock joke*

It sounds to me like you squiggled rather than wiggled. Which is a totally different thing.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

aw, you poor thing. How selfless of you to sit there awake trying to not to "wiggle" so your wife could sleep.

And you would make a fantastic wizard.

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm laughing at the word cockeral.

Stacie's Madness said...

death by electric toothbrush, that would be interesting.

Nikki-ann said...

Mo the Wiggling Wizard! :D

Nej said...

Snuffles create wiggle-like bed movements. There's just no getting around it. :-(

Tooj said...

You couldn't have gone to the couch where you would have been free to do whatever you wanted in the way of wiggling and snuffling? :)

Comedy Goddess said...

Good God even I could hear you!

Or

Poor baby, up all night being courteous while horribly sick, tormented by a lunatic cockerel (which I suppose is some kind of Britishism for a variety of bird) There there hope you are feeling better spit spat!

You choose which comment you like.

Girl Interrupted said...

Are there hallucinogens in cold remedy medicines?

Ps: Had TWO creme eggs today :P

C.B. Jones said...

Wiggling, wiggling?

eh, sounds like an instant pop radio hit(or something you'd find on Playboy TV).

Cora said...

I will never look at an electric toothbrush in quite the same way again.

Vroom, vroom, vroom.

;-)

lizspin said...

This, my friend, is why I sleep in my college-aged-daughter's bedroom every chance I get.

I - too - am wiggley.

Frogs in my formula said...

Liar, liar, cockerels on fire.

blognut said...

Just checking your time stamp so I can do a little math. It was off last time - did you fix it?

And, you were TOO wiggling!

the mama bird diaries said...

I always catch these horrible coughs and it is maddening for my poor husband.

The Girl Next Door said...

It was the coughing always did my Ex in - when I get sick, I get the nastiest cough ever. Keeps the whole darned house awake. So go ahead and wiggle - we know you want to anyway...

Captain Dumbass said...

What's a cockerel? Sheesh, it's like you're in a whole other country.

San Diego Momma said...

My mucous definitely outsnuffles your mucous, I guarantee it.

And I'm a wiggler. I admit it. Come on over to the dark side.

The Gnu said...

what motor do you have in your toothbrush?! sounds like a motorbike. and nice creative spelling on crowd.
from the Gnu
p.s. you were too wiggling!

Morag Mortimer-Smythe said...

I find I can't get to sleep without a damn good wiggle beforehand..

jpooh said...

If it's any comfort, my spring allergies have me snuffling and wiggling all night long as well.

Misery loves company - shall I get out my electric toothbrush? No cockerel's here, just a psychotic robin with a penchant for dive bombing bedroom windows.

Debbie said...

How miserable to try to sleep with a stuffed up head and to not move. I always flop around like a fish when I'm sick, just trying to find a comfortable spot.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

Electric toothbrush - great idea. Hope you're feeling better soon!

cactus petunia said...

I had that same cold last week. Hope you didn't get it from my blog! And the visions of crowing cockerels at 3 AM? I had similar nightmares involving pigs wandering through the bedroom...I chalked it up to the cold medicine I was guzzling, but my husband suggested it was just my snoring.

I certainly wasn't wiggling either.

bernthis said...

sleeping with my kid is like sleeping with your dog. she literally takes ove rhte entire things and it drives me nuts

Mama Dawg said...

What color would your cape be? Would you wear a tall hat like Dumbledore? Sorry, I'm in a Harry Potter mood today.

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!