Monday, 6 April 2009

The Mentor at the Bank

With the current financial crisis and the recent G20 summit, where world leaders met to *cough cough* waste money being photographed in a pitiful spin exercise agree how to save the world (don't they need to save the cheerleader first?), I'm reminded of a prank I pulled with a friend at university. The link is pretty tenuous - the prank was at a bank.

At the time my friend, Ray, who later became my best man and one of my daughter's godparents, tended to wear a long, black, Matrix (leather) coat. One day we were on campus and I needed to go to the bank to extend my overdraft. Ray had a great idea. We would go in together and he would pretend to be my 'guide' or 'mentor'. Whenever I was asked a question I was to look up at him, and he would nod to indicate that I should proceed. It seemed terribly funny at the time.

We were called forward to the desk of one of the 'personal bankers', an austere lady with a giant blond bouffant and pearl earrings. She reminded me of one of my primary school teachers. "Please take a seat," she said. I took a seat and Ray stood rigidly behind my left shoulder.

"How may I help you?" she asked.

I looked up at Ray, who nodded cautiously. "I'd like to extend my overdraft," I said. She asked for my debit card. Once again I looked up at Ray. He paused for a second, as if weighing up the situation, and then nodded again. I handed over my debit card.

The lady stiffened and peered at me over her spectacles. She glanced up at Ray, and then back at me. The bouffant grew visibly larger, the pearl earrings winked in unison, a terrifying stoniness came into her grey eyes. Had I listened hard I expect I would have heard a dog barking in the distance.

"Who," she said, "is THAT?"

I looked up at Ray. A sense of acute discomfort came over me, maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. Ray had the appearance of a Neo who was wetting himself with fear. He nodded again, a little reluctantly.

"This is my mentor," I said, employing my very best poker face.

"Well," she said, as if scolding a pair of naughty kindergartners, " either your 'mentor' leaves RIGHT NOW, or I call the police."

I turned to Ray. Once standing proud and upright, he was now drooping like a wet sock. "You wait outside," I said. He regained his composure and strode out Neo-like while I sorted out my overdraft.

47 comments:

Girl Interrupted said...

Haha ... oh I liked that one! That was a very vivid picture you painted there, Mo!

Do you still have a good credit rating? Or did she blacklist you?

Sassy Britches said...

Nice one! Poor Neo/Ray! I bet he could have done with a little role play first, huh?

dizzblnd said...

Damn! That was funny. Some people just have no sense of humor

Hit 40 said...

I can not believe that she didn't just push the panic button. You boys could have enjoyed a nice ride to the campus police station. My friends have been there. I was always the reliable one asked to please drive them home by the copper.

Michelle said...

Giggle

Comedy Goddess said...

Next time just say he's your pimp and you are his bitch. That should work.

jpooh said...

Why on earth would she call the police because you brought a "mentor"?

Sheesh, if financial institutions in the States were that paranoid, Beloved and I would have been sent to jail a long time ago...the man just loves to mess with people. I've become his reluctant accomplice.

Mr London Street said...

If only they had been more reluctant to lend in general we wouldn't be in this mess now eh? They chucked money at the corporate equivalent of a student with a mate in a leather trenchcoat day in, day out...

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll by the way!

Sass said...

That is too funny.

If only he could have kept up the part, even as he left.

Although...the police may not have been so proud of his performance. ;)

Anna Russell said...

Kudos to you for keeping a straightface - I don't think I could have managed.
I'm guessing the bank lady wouldn't have taken the red pill.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

That's great! I've never been a prankster. Not on purpose anyway.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

That is very funny! I can't believe she didn't push the hidden button. Y'all really do sound creepy.

Joanie M said...

That's funny!!!! I can never pull off pranks very well.

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

He was lucky he was only asked to leave.

I don't know if it made the news across the pond, but we had an horrific school shooting here a couple years ago (Columbine), and it became a big part of the story that the boys who were the murderers wore long black leather coats.

For awhile, anybody in a black trenchcoat or duster was highly suspected of being dangerous.

I couldn't wait to get one.

bernthis said...

okay, what was wrong with having Ray there and that woman sounds like a way younger version of my ex MIL- Beeatch

blognut said...

I feel the professional duty to scold you for screwing with your banker, but I would have laughed out loud, extended your overdraft, and reversed your fees.

I am a rare gem. I may be the only banker in the universe with a sense of humor.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

It's still pretty funny,just not what you two expected. I could picture my son pulling a prank like this.

Soda and Candy said...

"The bouffant grew visibly larger"

I can see this in my mind's eye, her glare withering the hapless Neo.

; )

Diane said...

HA! I could picture her in my mind's eye perfectly.

PS... you guys were weird.

Eric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Snarky A. said...

Hilarious. Better to droop like a wet sock before you guys ended up in the slammer, so kudos for knowing when to fold. Would probably be harder to keep up the poker face while behind bars with a bunch of bulky criminals with a sexual preference for long leather coats...

the mama bird diaries said...

She probably thought you were his hostage or something.

Call Me Cate said...

Oh, awesome. I was totally afraid she thought he was holding you up or you were there under duress. Yikes!

Captain Dumbass said...

Did she look like Mr. Smith?

Harmony said...

Oh no...don't you just hate it when a good prank turns sour?

Makes for a great story anyway, very funny!

Eric said...

Comedic genius...

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

That would have been fun. I might try that at Starbucks next time...

As for Bouffant Lady, she needs to get a life.

And is this weird or what?? My word verification was this "weednero". Get it? NERO??? This is spooky.

Shana said...

Why wouldn't the lady like poor Ray??

Funny

Cora said...

Hee hee hee. BUSTED!! This is hilarious. What did Ray do then, just awkwardly wait outside at the corner of Embarrassment and Shame?

Kat said...

I feel chided and I wasn't even there.

C.B. Jones said...

Did he turn around in slow-mo/bullet time fashion before leaving the bank?

Gwen said...

Ha! Classic! I love it.

I have stored this away in my pea brain and will be pulling it out at the very next opportunity.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

What, mentors can't wear leather trench coats and lurk over people's shoulders these days?

Girl Interrupted said...

Sorry, somewhat off-topic, but I thought you should know ... you can now get creme egg ice cream!!! Even better than McFlurry's cos it comes in a nice BIG tub ... I'm eating some right now *smug, sticky grin*

lizspin said...

If you wanted to extend your overdraft, why didn't you just write more checks?????

That's what my college-aged daughter does. . .she just keeps withdrawing money and her overdraft gets bigger and bigger!

lizspin said...

thanks for reminding me. . . I just checked her balance and she has a whole $11.83. . . don't know what that is in Euro. . . or Pounds. . . or whatever it is you use these days. . .

Vodka Mom said...

okay, I'll admit I didn't have time to read the post- but wanted to say a quick hey.


hey.

Vodka Mom said...

I'm too busy trying to kick ass over at Comedy's and Braja's.


a woman's work is never done.

Maria Roth said...

It will be a miracle if I'm actually able to decipher this word verification puzzle in order to publish this comment...Uh. Nice post. Does your friend still have that jacket?

Peggy said...

You totally should have let her call the police...what could they have possibly done? Hahaha!

The Mister said...

When I was in college there was a shaggy guy in a duster that would show up on weekend evenings and visit all the kids stuck at lousy jobs on campus. You'd see him at the info booth bulling out a bottle and two shot glasses. Classy.

Always Home and Uncool said...

No wonder banks are failing.

cactus petunia said...

Some of the banks around here don't even have desks anymore...the tellers are barricaded behind 2 inch thick Lexan plastic walls. Ray probably wouldn't have gotten three feet into the bank before he was busted for being weird.

By the way, my bank? Doesn't even have a counter for the tellers to stand behind. They get to stand at round podiums in the middle of the room, fully exposed to Ray and his ilk. All the money goes to and fro in vacuum tubes. Weirder than a guy in a long black coat, that's for sure.

Shawn said...

Pranks always go through a learning curve though, I'm sure yours are much better now. Right? Right?

Nikki-ann said...

LOL!

Stacie's Madness said...

what a wench she was...lmao.

Nej said...

If you had gone in and asked to withdraw $1 million from your account..and kept looking at the guy...well, that's one thing.

Did she ask you if you felt your life was in any danger once he left?? :-)

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!