Tuesday, 21 April 2009

RTT : Don't come here unless you are crazy as a mouse that thinks he is Long John Silver

Unless you're as crazy as a mouse that thinks he is Long John Silver, you really shouldn't be here. In fact you should leave now. If you are as crazy as a man who bounces down the street on a pogo stick thinking he is a golden goose and yelling "the goat cometh!", then this is exactly the right place for you. Let me just say that I had some really crazy random content to post, so I've decided to justify my rampant insanity by posting it under the excuse of 'Random Tuesday Thoughts'.

When I was young and foolish, me and my adolescent cronies had a number of bizarre and insane little stories, sketches and scenes that, well, that speaks volumes for our puerile minds, and probably explains a lot. Anyway, two friends, Steve and Mike, used to tell the "Jord story", which is a crazy dialogue between two characters which (bizarrely) are both called Jord. Possibly there is only one Jord, who is a schizophrenic.

Anyway, I played football with the lads on Saturday and Steve was there, so I got him to tell the Jord story once again. And I recorded it for you all to hear. If for some reason you can't hear the thing (it was a bit fiddly to get it in a post), then please forgive my incomparable ineptitude. Oh, and you may need to pump the volume up to hear it properly!

If this is the last straw, and you decide to never come here again, then I'll set Jord on you.

43 comments:

San Diego Momma said...

Is Jord(s) available?

He/he sounds cute.

Girl Interrupted said...

:|

Boys are weird!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I can't hear a damn thing. Excuse me while I go sob and wipe my nose on my husband, who is pogo-sticking in front of the house.

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

I think I need a percoset

Gwen said...

I can't access it here at work but I can't wait to get home and expose myself to some Jord.

Cora said...

Ha ha ha! I'm thinking this should become a regular feature here, Mo. What other predicaments will Jord get himself/themselves into, I wonder....

Hmmm....

Mr London Street said...

I stopped reading after the first sentence, did I miss anything?

Hit 40 said...

I agree with girl interrupted!

Guys have their own humor.

Harmony said...

What about a fairy wing wearing tutu toting, "when it is time, the time is now, to time the time that comes" singing swirly dancer...can we stay?

Wow, they were really into character...right? Jord isn't real...right?

Great story, your friends sound like a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing.

jpooh said...

*bounce* *bounce* The goat com - oh, hello, dear. Hang on a sec while I get far away from this telegraph pole. Put the chainsaw away, m'kay?

What can I say - I have a 14-year-old son who writes generic, cliched fairytale plots when he's bored during school. I thought it was hilarious.

Sass said...

Mad Dog, can you read me the phone book?

I'm just sayin'.

Captain Dumbass said...

"The goat commeth." Now I have something new to scream at telemarketers. "It ain't easy bein' a pimp" was getting old.

Courtney said...

Is it one of those "had to be there" stories???

ha!

ps: the eyebrow massacre of '69 sounds scary...do tell

Sassy Britches said...

Are the Jords mates or "frienemies?" This could get ugly.

Diane said...

I think I just learned way more about you than I needed to know.

I still like you... but I'm much more wary now...

Tooj said...

I can't decide if I'm the mouse or the pogo stick man.

Comedy Goddess said...

That sounds just like the answering machine message at the asylum where I volunteer on Tuesdays.

Joanie M said...

Ummm.......

hey! my word verification is shmere... that is cream cheese and butter (what you put on a bagel in New York City) just thought that was amusing. :)

Shawn said...

Lemme guess...you and your mates used to smoke some of that wacky tobacky didn't ya?

I grinned all the way through it though...I must have some weirdly mutated brain cells.

andy said...

my son enjoyed the "jord" story.

just had to explain what a schizophrenic was to an almost 11 year old brain, though.

that'll learn me for letting him read over my shoulder sometimes.

when did he learn how to read shit anyhow?

he is now saying "jord" all the way down the hall in a maniacal lilt.

smarmy bugger.

The Girl Next Door said...

Lovely Sound effects. I love guy humor! My ex used to have a tape of him and his buddies calling people pretending to be "CHARLES NEWMAN" who was, from the sounds of things, some giant 6 ft 6 inch guy who would rip you apart. very bizarre.

the mama bird diaries said...

I can't access it but now i want me some Jord.

Kat said...

It is like Jord Bevis and Butthead!!

Anna Russell said...

Dudley Moore and Peter Cook have nothing on you guys ;)

Currently Untitled said...

what happens if your more like a mouse who knows he's a golden goose on a pogo stick shouting "Long John Silver is a goat!"?

they sound like Bert and Ernie off Sesame Street (or the Bert and Ernie show, ironically enough)

i replayed the beginning of the recording several times (not in a creepy, stalkerish way) because you don't sound at all like i thought you would (not that i've thought about it, dang it, digging a hole here, next time Jord should have a shovel!)

Eric said...

I think my 'Microsoft Jord Blocker' prevented the enjoyment of what was probably the finest piece of entertainment ever.

Shana said...

Funny.
I agree with SanDiegoMomma, Jord sounds cute.

Nej said...

I'm with Sass..the phone book...or maybe a take out menu laying around? :-)

My buds and I used to come up with all kinds of crazy stories when we were kids...heck, we'd probably still do it if we ever saw each other...you just never know. We used to walk around town, with a tape recorder in my backpack....recording all of the stories. What I'd give for one of those tapes today!!!

One rainy day we decided to hide in the closet in one friends' bedroom. We brought snacks, flashlights, reading material..the works. It was a nuclear bomb shelter that day. When her parents tried to get us to go home, we screamed like little girls....the mutants were coming to get us. We were the only survivors.

It didn't go over well with her father..not one bit. :-)

g said...

Oh, no, I can't listen to it here! I have to wait till I get home tonight. You got a transcript?

WM said...

I am thouroughly amused. But then I've always known I was a little crazy

C.B. Jones said...

*brain implodes due to the randomness*

cactus petunia said...

Jord sounds like a guy I used to hang out with...I think.

Samsmama said...

Jord 2 sounds like Beavis. You, however....


*drools*

Hit 40 said...

Long day? I will check back later :-)

Kristen said...

lmao! I like the weird grunting/ dying sound effect. And of course the Jords' accents...nice! Love me an accent.

Fragrant Liar said...

I agree with Ed.

And Girl Interrupted. Boys are weird.

But it was cool to hear your voice, Mo!

lizspin said...

Jesus~ You didn't tell me I had to un-mute my volume!!!

How's a girl like me supposed to know????

lizspin said...

Is that earhole . . . or A- hole????

Comedy Goddess said...

I think I speak for many of us when I say what a great comment provider Ed is.

blognut said...

I think you've spent a bit too much time on the pogo-stick, Mo. I'm kinda worried about you.

bernthis said...

again with the pogo stick. Why is that always the thing that makes one crazy? granted I've never owned one and would agree that anyone who does is fucking nuts but I just had to ask anyway

Harmony said...

I just showed this post to my sister the other day, and realized that there was only one person telling the Jord story...it blew me away. That is quite the performance! I don't know how he made it through the whole story without completely busting out into laughter.

Maria Roth said...

I didn't have any trouble hearing this...I especially liked the bit about the chainsaw (which Jord pronounced "chainsore"--bless his adorable English heart).

I'd love to hear more from Jord. Oh, it was nice to hear Mo's voice, too. ;)

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!