Wednesday, 1 April 2009

The Hypothetical Hell Day

Today I have the pleasure of announcing an exciting triangular guestival. I'm posting over at More Mindless Rambling, blognut is posting at Show My Face, and Cate is posting here. Our task, which we chose to accept, was to post on our hypothetical hell day. When you're done here head over to More Mindless Rambling and Show My Face. And now, I bring you Cate...

It's me, Cate, taking over Mo's blog today. Our agreed-upon topic? Hypothetical Hell Day. For him, it could be that allowing me to run amok on his blog would be part of his day from hell but it's too late for that now! I mean, I kind of like it over here. I think I'll stay awhile!

For me, Hell Day would likely fall on a Wednesday. Most Wednesdays, I'm able to work from home. This means I am able to sleep in until about 7:59am. But on Hell Day, I would not be working from home for some reason, which already puts me in a foul mood. My husband, Joe, would not realize this, allowing me to snooze for far too long.

Nothing starts my day off on the wrong foot like rushing to make it to work on time. And I do mean "on time" - my boss is quite unforgiving with the 8 o'clock sharp thing.

On this particularly awful day, something would undoubtedly make me late despite driving 80+ mph (Google tells me this is 128.75+ kw/h for those of you on Mo's side of the universe). I'm guessing it would be a school bus in my path, stopping every 20 feet to pick up the little children who are so delicate that mommy had to drive them the half a block from their house to the corner because they can't wait in the cold. Which now means mommy has to help them from the car, hugs and kisses, do you have your lunch?, have a nice day before putting them on the bus. Ugh. When I was a pretty pretty princess, I had to walk to school, uphill both ways, in the snow!

Once at work, the boss would eat my face for arriving at 8:02 without calling. Yeah, I'll "work" an extra two minutes at lunch. Since there's rarely any work to be done, "work" is only differentiated from "lunch" by whether or not the door is pulled shut while I read blogs. Bossman would then proceed to visit my office every forty minutes or so to rant and rave about something I have no control over or interest in. My boss IS the drama llama.

By the time quitting time rolls around (at exactly 5:00 pm, of course), a stress migraine would be in full-blown marching band mode. Just for kicks, cue the heavy rain and idiot drivers for the commute home. The best part of hell day is realizing I'm in my garage, no idea how I got there, and crawling upstairs to bed for a nap until Joe shows up.

After slicing my finger or burning my hand, Joe will seize control of dinner, which is just as well because I'm not going to want to eat it anyway. And it's safer for everyone involved. Migraines + fire + sharp objects = trips to the emergency room. We learned that lesson the hard way.

The evening would end with me being too stubborn to go to bed early, instead watching television until President Bush (what, I know he's not President anymore but NOTHING is more hellish to me than that!) interrupts Lost to proclaim victory over his sweatpants. Mission accomplished for sure!

And that's about all I would be able to take. At that point, I'd finally succomb to the evil of Hell Day and retreat into bed. Rather than curling up next to me for a snuggle and purr, the cat would attack my feet, causing one final increase to my blood pressure and head throbbing before I give in to the medication and passing out.

24 comments:

Michelle said...

When I was a pretty pretty princess, I had to walk to school, uphill both ways, in the snow!

You forgot "in bare feet"

Gosh :0)

blognut said...

I hate getting behind the school bus that stops every 20 feet.

I hate pretty princesses who get dropped off at the bus stop 100 yds from home.

I hate walking to school in the snow... uphill... with bare feet.

I hate your drama llama boss.

I hate migraines.

I hate George Bush.

I really hate George Bush in sweat pants.

I hate having to type 'oundscli' in order to leave a comment... MO!

Sass said...

My kids are so freaking spoiled the bus driver stops at the end of our driveway.

And I now love you more, Cate, because of your Bush comment.

*sigh*

Sassy Britches said...

I think GW interrupting LOST would be hell day enough, not to mention all the rest of that crap! Nobody messes with LOST.

Harmony said...

WOW! That is quite the hell day.

What I don't get about those mothers who drive their kids to the bus stop is, why don't they just drive them to school? I mean they are in the car anyway...just go the distance.

I laughed out loud @ "My boss IS the drama llama" ~ Very Funny!!!!

jpooh said...

"a school bus in my path, stopping every 20 feet to pick up the little children who are so delicate that mommy had to drive them the half a block from their house to the corner because they can't wait in the cold"

The minute I read that, I began frothing at the mouth. Honestly. I mean - WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? Me and my brothers and sisters and all of our friends walked to and from school every day and none of us died from exposure or ended up on a milk carton.

Just sayin'.

And I had a good snicker over "drama llama."

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

:0)

Call Me Cate said...

Wow, I totally could've written this. That would be exactly MY day of hell!

Oh, wait, no wonder it sounds familiar. Back under my rock...

Tooj said...

For a minute I thought you were MY boss at work....but then I realize she totally frowns on anything personal at work...which means I could very well get fired if they find out I secretly check my blog during the day. And then to top it with Pres. Bush...NICE TOUCH!! :) Hell Day be gone!

C.B. Jones said...

Is "eat my face" some kind of hip new slang for getting chewed out verbally? If not, I would assume the eating of another persons face would be in every bodies definition of hell.

Comedy Goddess said...

That is one helluvah Hell Day.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

More of Bush would be more than a HELL day! *shudder uncontrollably*

Drama Llama - classic, Cate. The perfect descriptive term and I can actually see him fidgetting for the whole 2 minutes before you arrive.

Comedy Goddess said...

I think you know us well enough by now to kill the word verification. Pretty please?

It's a small slice of Hell to have to do the extra wv thing. I mean sometimes I get it wrong and have to do it twice. So then it becomes a large slice of Hell.

bernthis said...

yeah, I'd say that was hell was for me only my day would include talking to my ex husband

Crystal said...

Drama llama...now that's funny that right there. :)

Sarah said...

I'm sorry? Wasn't this supposed to be hypothetical? Not your everyday?

Peggy said...

A three-way?? Oh, um let me scrape my mind out of the gutter and go actually read the post!

San Diego Momma said...

You just had to say "George Bush," didn't you?

:)

Debbie said...

I don't like anything that interrupts Lost. We only get it such a few times a year anyway!

the mama bird diaries said...

I'm always to stubborn to go to be early! I just can't make myself.

cactus petunia said...

I can deal with Drama Lllamas and migraines, and I even have the utmost patience for slow as molasses school busses.
But the George Bush thing? Put me right over the edge!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Ack. You paint a picture.

Captain Dumbass said...

Ya, that would be a hell day.

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