Well, I was right. My adversary is now getting to the station at least fifteen minutes earlier just to get his favourite seat. If you haven't been following this adventure then you may want to read parts one and two.
My readers had provided some hilarious suggestions which I chose to ignore, but here are a few of the funnies:
Cowguy said...Fake vomit dropped in the other choice seat would be nirvana...
jpooh said...You now need to enlist the help of your fellow commuters, and ALL of you take ALL of the rear-facing window seats.
chris hale said...Perhaps you should engage him in conversation, thus: Hello. Will you be my friend? I haven't got any friends. I had one once, but then I had to put him under the ground. They made me do it.'
Sassy Britches said...To make it extremely well-played, you must give him a Doc-Holiday-at-the-O.K.-Corral-type of wink. Now THAT I would pay to see.
Scope said...Commuters are such creatures of habit. I used to ride a long distance commuter train, and would get pissed if someone was in "my seat." (My manager is so bad, having her seat taken ruins her day.)
Instead of the seat war, I suggest doing the more infernal and totally against the rules thing: talk at him.
Not "talk to him" like you are actually engaging in conversation, but make general comments to him that are mindless and insipid. Make him choose. His seat, or quiet.
Yeah, I'm evil.
Oh, and pinching one off while sitting next to him would be perfect. "Jostled a little one out of me there, old boy. Sorry 'bout that."
Tristan Robin Blakeman said...I suggest winking, smirking, and handing him your phone number, preferably while wearing a pink dress shirt. He'll probably change jobs so he doesn't have to ride that train any longer.
Cameron said...Take a little satisfaction is knowing that you've forced him to alter his schedule by 15 minutes. You may have skipped coffee once, but he's going to have to hurry up for the rest of his days, knowing that if he is lax, even a little, you will pounce.
Mr London Street said...
1. Turn up 20 minutes early.
2. Put chewing gum on "the seat".
3. Leave train.
4. Get on train 10 minutes later.
5. Convincingly feign disappointment that he has yet again nicked "your" seat.
6. Feel smug all the way to work.
In the end I ignored all of these. My plan was to lure him into a place of complacently by letting him have his seat unchallenged yesterday, then today I would pounce. My train gets into the station fifteen minutes before our connecting train and sure enough, as I alighted from my first train I could see the fella, anxiously waiting on the other platform. Goodness knows how long he had been there. I kept my distance. He kept looking furtively up and down the platform. When the train arrived he scurried to his usual seat. I calmly waited a few more minutes before getting on and nonchalantly strolling past without so much as a glance in his direction.
The plan worked. This morning he was complacent. I was on the platform long before him, waiting in his exact spot. Literally as our train pulled in he materialised and scampered down the platform. I was waiting right at the "about to open" train door along with a crowd of other passengers.
[wait for it]
As the doors opened he barged in front of us, literally elbowing his way through the crowd and forcing himself onto the train and taking his seat. I suppose I could have grabbed him by the coat and held him back, but (contrary to popular belief and general public opinion) I am a gentleman, so I let him take his precious seat. I think, after all that I will let his keep his seat. Captain Dumbass will no doubt lambaste me for being a sissy, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.
On a different note, Psuedo has kindly nominated me for this fantastic Zombie Chicken Award. It comes with the description:
"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all..."
I had a tough time picking only 5, but didn't want to list a million, so I've picked five bloggers that are simply exceptional. My definition of exceptional in this case is this. They make me buzz when I see a new post from them in my blog list, I feel excited to go read and comment and want to rush to their place RIGHT NOW DAMMIT. Am I the only one who gets a buzz with these guys? I don't know if these five are the types to necessarily put the award up, or pass it on, but seeing as it is such a damn fine one I thought it worth a try. Here are my five:
Mr. London Street
If you choose to ignore the award then that's fine by me, but take it as a compliment, your blog is a beauty.