Thursday, 30 April 2009

I will kill you

My alarm went off at 5:45am as usual. The window was open, seagulls were squawking and rigging was tinkle-tankling. I looked out of the window, it was a beautiful Spring morning. Crisp air, clear blue sky, a slight breeze. Sunlight dazzled on the water, combining wonderfully with the boats' reflections. A family of swans swam gracefully about the quay. Time for my coffee, should I go for Australia Skyberry or Sumatra Lingtong? Cafetiere or stovepot? Small things like these are the secret to a happy and successful life.

My wife stirred. "If that alarm clock goes off again I will kill you," she said.

57 comments:

Eric said...

And then you stopped day dreaming about being asleep with your woman and went back to your morning business about the marina?

jpooh said...

I like your wife already.

Sass said...

My husband kept letting his alarm go off one morning. Eventually I got in his face and said, "What makes you think I won't cut you?"

He shut it off abruptly.

Minka said...

How can you even think about doing anything else before you stop that darn alarm??
Get serious!

Hope she could get some more sleep...

Sassy Britches said...

The snooze will have NO PLACE in any home I share with a S.O. For SHAME, Mo!

Eric said...

Oops, so it wasn't a dream interrupted by the alarm clock. Sorry

Samsmama said...

Well, Good Morning! Nothing like a death threat to start the day!

Harmony said...

LOL...I love the contrast in your early morning dispositions.

I'm with your wife naturally, I cannot stand the sound of an alarm clock. I hate it so much, that I haven't used one in 12 years...heavily relying on my "inner clock" to get me up and moving (in a timely manner). Now if I could only get my husband to stray away from the dreaded alarm clock.

Courtney said...

I too find death threats really get the point across to my hubs...

Your wife sounds like my kind of lady!

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I think the secret to a happy and successful life is a happy spouse.

Just sayin'.

Nej said...

The exact conversation happens at my house...but at our house, the husband is the threatener, and the wife the threatenee.

:-)

Joanie M said...

Does your alarm go off every morning at that ungodly hour?

Diane said...

I think it's Mrs. Stoneskin who knows the secrent to a happy and successful life.

Anna Russell said...

I think she's absolutely in the right here and that a judge would likely agree.

(ahhhh, YOU were the random Facebook add friend finder confusion person, weren't you?)

Captain Dumbass said...

That's love. She gave you a warning.

Peggy said...

And my husband would have replies with something along these lines..."And good morning to you too sunshine? Quicky?"

Nikki said...

I with Captain Dumbass. I would have just cut you and went back to sleep. At least she warned you!

Comedy Goddess said...

Ah, married people know how to pillow talk!

andy said...

are you a "snooze" hitter, mo?

totally can't stand that shit.

i want to rip my boyfriends eyes out of his head when he does that.

seriously.

one morning? ONE hour of snooze hitting.

but if you're not hitting the snooze button and your awesome wife just said that to you for no particular reason? that is a little odd.

but in her defense maybe she's not a morning person.

i totally get that.

i fucking hate mornings.

Call Me Cate said...

My husband was out of town for a guy weekend, whatever that means. He called me when he got back to his hotel at 2am to let me know he was going to bed now (thanks for sharing, I was already in bed, sound asleep). The next morning, my day to sleep in, his alarm went off at 6am.

You BET I called him - and called - and called - and called - until he finally answered just to make sure he could share in my joy. "I will kill you" would've been good but I went with "just so you know, you completely suck at life".

Kat said...

My husband and I have this conversation every morning when he is on day shift.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

There's nothing like juxtaposition for emphasis.

I want pictures of the seagulls and the water.

Audra said...

Your wife sounds awesome. I regularly threaten my hubby

Gwen Gwen Banana Fo Fen said...

Brilliant! I'm writing this one down in my "ways to keep your marriage vibrant" notebook.

Cora said...

Eeeeep. :-(

San Diego Momma said...

That was a beautiful glimpse into the inner sanctity of a happy marriage.

Or at least a perfect word-by-word of how I start every day.

Girl Interrupted said...

Your wife = my kinda gal!

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

She is awesome.

cactus petunia said...

Nothing gets the day started like an early morning death threat!

Kristine said...

Ha! At least she wasn't cursing at the damn seagulls. Because I would've been.

Harmony said...

Call me Cate and Captain Dumbass have me rolling!

Stacie's Madness said...

mauahaha.

I am a snoozer, I never get up when the alarm goes off the first time. :)

Nikki-ann said...

LOL I would too at that time! Mine doesn't go off for another hour :D

C.B. Jones said...

People tell me death threats are a sign of a good and loving relationship.

The Rambler said...

The I'll kill you goes around this house back and forth.

The dog to me.

Me to dog.

Hubs to me.

Me to Hubs.

Hubs to dog.

You get it....

lizspin said...

Lucky, lucky you!!! Seagulls, water. boats???? No wonder you have such a lousy commute!

blognut said...

But you shut if off, didn't you?

Phat Mama said...

I have trained myself not to hear his alarm clock, at all.

I know it seems hard to believe but he can hit snooze ten times, he can let it go off for five minutes before hitting snooze again, he can have to pry me off of him to reach the snooze - and I'm still snoring.

However. The very second he tries to take up more than the sliver of bed I allow him, erroneously thinking that I don't deserve the entire thing, I will smack him in the forehead with that beeping clock.

bernthis said...

wait that is pretty much the words I used on my kid only this had to do with her waking me before it was legally, rightfully necessary

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Alarm clock is not a euphemism for something else is it?

Jeanne said...

Thank God! I'm not the only woman who uses death threats as a training tool.

Hit 40 said...

You got lucky.

When my hubby's alarm goes off a couple times, I kick him :-)

Dr Zibbs said...

Seagulls?

Do you live that close to the sea or trash?

the mama bird diaries said...

That is hilarious. And that sort of sums up marriage.

Fragrant Liar said...

So I guess you got up and made your wife something yummy to eat and drink for when she got up? I think that threat was a good one, so you'll want to pamper her, right?

Twenty Four At Heart said...

So after she threatened you did you have Morning Sex?

Jay said...

Those are actual kinds of coffee?

Huh.

jpooh said...

Assuming your wife has let you live, I have something for you over at the Sushi Bar.

♥ Braja said...

Gotta watch out for those wives...:)

♥ Braja said...

And that confuses me, cos the person who told me about your site said you were a "she." Dammit. I hate that :)
xx

Gaston Studio said...

Soooo glad I don't set the alarm anymore, but then, I've got a 10 lb puppy who jumps on my chest somewhere between 6 and 7 a.m. Not sure which is better.

♥ Braja said...

I also meant to say that phrase you used "I will kill you" is so British :)) I wrote something about it re my mum...you'd possibly relate totally to this post:

http://lostandfoundinindia.blogspot.com/2008/12/these-are-few-of-my-favorite-things.html

Maria Roth said...

Next time turn the alarm off before you start having your lovely, soul-warming thoughts, okay?

Tooj said...

Lovely wife.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

I HATE waking up to other people's alarm clocks.

I, however, snooze mine for an entire hour - EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

I like your wife.

Char said...

Alarm clocks and especially snooze alarms are surely the devils invention. My ex used to hit the damn snooze button REPEATEDLY. And, I confess.....Yep I killed em!

david mcmahon said...

Australia Skyberry. ALWAYS take the Australia option.

(But I'm biased!)

As I have quite a few new readers since I became a "Jelly Biter" I've put this up here again. To understand the context you must read this post!